The Awkward Human Survival Guide Retired

The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide answers the uncomfortable questions everyone encounters on an unfortunately regular basis and talks to people around the world who embrace the stranger side of life.

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Hosted by Adam Dachis, Darren Herczeg, Erica Elson, and Richard Cardenas.

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248: Shawarma Butt Tattoo: Hot or Not?

May 28, 2019 at 12:00PM • 1 hour 6 minutes • Wiki Entry

This awkward week we're talking about unwanted flirtations, weird body mods, and pegging tips with special guest John Bring!

Show Notes & Links Presented by CacheFly

Special guests: John Bring 


Danny: "I never thought I’d have a problem like this because I’m not even attractive really, just like “normal” but this women she works at some other company in the building I work at and she finds me at lunch or whatever to flirt. It’s happening like all the time I don’t get a little time to myself anymore. I tell her no but she keep coming back and I don’t know who she is really. I don’t have work friends to ask for help but I asked some people in the cafeteria and nobody knows her but one guy was like yeah she is doing it to guys all the time but she moves on eventually. But when is eventually? Like I don’t have time for eventually. How do I get rid of this woman? I just wanna eat in peace."

Mary: "Hey there Erica, Adam, Richard, and GUEST! My name's Mary and I'm with this cool chick Lisene (like Liz-anny) who is getting less cool by the day because of her body (um) situation? Not a fat thing cuz I'm cool. I mean shit like super dark spray tans or something. She came home looking like somebody's luggage last Saturday. She's got 12 piercings on her face. It's ears mostly but this cloud shape in her nose (both nostrils) and this gross gold bar that says her name under her lip that scratches her teeth and she bitches about it all through dinner. I'm like bitch take that shit out! But she doesn't want it to get infected. She just looked punk (THAT'S HOT) when I found her at the bar. Maybe I didn't notice little stuff in the beginning but it was like after three weeks she's pierced as fuck and got some crazy tattoos and other shit. She's got a tattoo of shawarma on her butt cheeks so just think about that for a minute okay? She got her hair double colored so it looks like baby shit and all frizzed out (she's got a lot of hair). She's doing it to "subvert standards of beauty" but like I don't want to fuck you if you make yourself look like a dog's breakfast. But I could eat that pussy for days. Do I quit this or can you give me a fix for her crazy?"

Peggy Sue (not real name): "yo u got tips on peggin o wut?"