The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide answers the uncomfortable questions everyone encounters on an unfortunately regular basis and talks to people around the world who embrace the stranger side of life.

Got a question or comment? Visit awkwardhuman.com/ask for lots of options! Check out our Subreddit, too!

**NSFW**

Hosted by Adam Dachis, Darren Herczeg, Erica Elson, and Richard Cardenas.



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91: Back to the Attic

December 8, 2015 at 12:30PM • 57 minutes • Wiki Entry

This awkward week we're talking about bus pass prostitution, dating sex offenders, and your mom's asshole boyfriend. Want to ask a question on the show? Email questions@awkwardhuman.com or call 323-456-3345 to leave us a voicemail.




Show Notes & Links Presented by CacheFly

Awkward Situation of the Week: Darren has his Recital and Mikey's friend posts his daughter's first period to Facebook.

This Week's Questions:

  • Alonzo (19/SM) asks, "I have a very difficult situation. I am very poor and my family is very poor. My mom is abusive and if I lose things she hits me. It hurts my feelings more because she has very small arms. They didn't grow all the way out so she can't hit very hard. It feels like getting hit on the head by a small mop (she did that before too that's how I know) but hurts inside more. This happens when I lose things or waste. We have barely any money and she wants to make sure I know not to waste. I got hit once for not squeezing all the toothpaste out of the tube. It's like that. I take the bus to school. I am very lucky and get to go to college on scholarship. I lost my bus pass and was like oh no mom's gonna beat me and I can't go to school for all of November without it so I begged everybody on campus for money. Finally this girl says she will give me money for the bus pass but I have to pay her back before Thanksgiving. I took the money because I had no other choices but I knew I couldn't pay it back. She is angry with me now and says to me that I stole from her and I just told her I want to pay her but I need more time. She thinks $40 is money anyone can have but not my family. I don't even have anything to sell but textbooks. I have one textbook I could sell to get almost the $40 but I would have to photocopy it because they don't have it in the campus library and that would cost almost $20 to photocopy the book pages we still need for learning. Now she has offered me a way out but it makes me uncomfortable. It is like what happened to Mr. Beowolf but not as scary. She has an ugly friend she wants me to date to make her feel good and I don't mind that she's ugly. I would date her if I liked her but she is also very bossy and that makes me uncomfortable. I have to go on five dates with her and really pretend to like her but I don't feel okay about lying. Even besides the problem with lying what if she finds out? I just want to pay back the money but I don't know how. This is scaring me. What can I do to get the money or explain to her I'm sorry and I'm trying really hard to pay her back but I don't want to lie to her bossy friend? I know she is just mad about the principle and not the money because she has lots of money because I've seen her clothing. She is a nice girl but is giving me a hard time which I understand but I wish she would give me a break so I can sell my Christmas presents or something when I can do it. What do you think I should do? Thank you."
  • Elise (14/F) asks, "Aloha Adam, Erica, Richard, Darren, someone else. I'm writing cause I miss my real Dad a real lot. He was the best Dad. Now my Mom has a mean boyfriend who verbally abuses me when she's not around. He gets bossy, lazy, rude, and swears a lot whenever my Mom is gone. Like he says cunt and it's not funny. He's fat and lazy, he's super gross, and he has no manners. He's nothing like my real Father. I don't want her to get married to him or any other man until I move out of the house, but I'm only 14-years old. Am I being silly? I just hate the guy so much, what should I do? Also, he has an extremely bad temper and he goes haywire very quickly, it's the worst. My mom and him have fought multiple times, but she still stays with him. I don't know why or what I can do."
  • Anonymous (19/SM) asks, "I'm 19 and I'm registered as a sex offender. I was 15 and I was going out this girl who looked and acted like 13 year old and we ended up having sex. Her parents told me she was 15, so we had sex and when her parents found out they told me she was only 12. They thought I was her friend's brother not a boyfriend and I was arrested and was in jail for years. My life hasn't been the same. I can't get any jobs and girls that find out look at me like I'm a monster. How can I tell girls without them running away?"
  • Depressed Dina (24/SF) asks, "I was dumped two months ago and feel depressed about it still. I am not missing on him all the time but feel sad ever since. It just hangs around like some guy at a party who won't go home and you don't wanna be mean and get rid of him. I want to know, do dumpers ever try to reconnect with someone they dumped? Do they wonder about the dumpees, even if they treated them bad? He treated me bad and I don't know if he cares or not."
  • Mathæyós asks, "Mathæyós here again. Just to recap, I am a 26, straight, cis gendered male. I recently moved and decided to download ALL the hookup apps and use them until at least the new year. I actually got matches on Tinder! They aren't bots or prostitutes either. Maybe it's where I live, or my pictures? Either way... Today I matched with a cute 19 year old (hot!) and a 21 year old Whovian (Doctor Who fan; I'm one too). I have an on going conversation with the 21 year old, but I can't seal the deal. The 19 year old hasn't responded yet, but also has not unmatched me. What's the sequence of events here? When do you give them your number? And I'm assuming that they would come to my place (I don't think that they would want random guys knowing where they live, and I don't blame them). I live with my mother (although she's usually skiing on the weekends during ski season). I have the attic to myself though. How do I explain that? Oh, and for the record, I have tried period sex. It was not my thing. KBO, Mathæyós P.S. I live with my mother because, like a lot of millennials, I can't afford my own place. I'm also on disability. But that shouldn't fucking matter for a hookup. I'm not asking for a relationship (I've pretty much given up on that, because people are fucking shallow, but if I meet someone, so be it). I just want to get off with someone!"

Special Segment: None! Give us a break!

Final Thoughts: Adam shares his classic song, Everybody Fuck the Bear.

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