The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide answers the uncomfortable questions everyone encounters on an unfortunately regular basis and talks to people around the world who embrace the stranger side of life.

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Hosted by Adam Dachis, Darren Herczeg, Erica Elson, and Richard Cardenas.

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87: Cuddle-Appropriate Breakfast Food

November 10, 2015 at 3:45AM • 1 hour 28 minutes • Wiki Entry

This awkward week we're talking about cultural shouting, a sexless threesome, and cuddle-appropriate breakfast foods. Want to ask a question on the show? Email [email protected] or call 323-456-3345 to leave us a voicemail.

Show Notes & Links Presented by CacheFly

Awkward Situation of the Week: Erica's nose ejaculates mucus onto her black shirt during a movie.

This Week's Questions:

  • James asks, "Hi coworkers, Just wanted to offer a suggestion to the lady who is struggling with whether to eat her grandpa for $500k. It's likely she can obviate the whole quandary by contacting the local health inspector. While grandpa might have a constitutional free-exercise type right to be eaten, the butcher almost certainly doesn't have a right to butcher, sell, or, crucially, store non-USDA approved meat. While laws might not prevent cannibalism, Grandpa isn't USDA approved. Call to the health inspector, explain that you were told by grandpa and the butcher that he has human meat labelled "grandfather's special" and tell him that you're concerned that it's tainting the other things in the store. Maybe the health inspector won't care. But I'd bet a dollar that the local health inspector seizes the human meat. And the condition in the will will likely be void as impossible, causing the pay-out as if the condition were fulfilled. Hope it helps!"
  • Andrew (GM) asks, "Hey Awkward Humans, Do you have any suggestions for a good gay dating app? I've heard of Grindr of course, but there are so many 1-star reviews of it that I'm having second thoughts. P.S. I have an iPhone."
  • Naomi (GF) asks, "I am a UK fan of Darren. His voice is very very cute. It's a minor logistical problem that I'm a lesbian, but I don't think it's an insurmountable problem. So here's my question for the show. My wife and I are deeply in love. However, we fight *a lot*. She shouts at me a fair bit - it's her way of communicating. She is from a Mediterranean country where people yell all the time. I grew up in a family where people went silent when they were mad, instead of shouting. Shouting was reserved for the worst possible stuff you could do. (I was a depressed teen and my dad yelled at me once when I mentioned suicide, for example, and I was terrified because he hadn't yelled for years - that's how rare it was.) So when I first got together with my wife it was really hard to get used to the yelling but I tried. Ten years later, we are so happy, but I still hate the yelling. It makes me anxious and stressed. I've done a lot of work trying to communicate about this in a healthy way. I think it has helped a bit, and she's trying, but ultimately she can't change who she is, her cultural background etc. Do you have any advice to help me deal with it, so that I don't have to live with so much constant anxiety? Thanks! Naomi (your Welsh fan who listens Supercharged)"
  • Alyssa (20s/SF) asks, "Me and this guy are in our twenties. We met on OkCupid, and though he was looking to date and get intimate, I was just wanting to make friends. I told him I'm not wanting a relationship right now so we agreed to be just friends. He's a gentlemen who knows how to respect people and we're very respectful to one another. I don't know why, but I sort of want to sleep with him. I'm not talking about sex. I want to cuddle and wake up in the morning with him. And possibly have breakfast together. Will it be inappropriate to ask him? Is there a right breakfast food to make so I don't send the wrong message?"

Special Segment: A live call with Dillon (and a performance by his band Werehouse).

Final Thoughts: How cornbread can lead to breakups.