The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide answers the uncomfortable questions everyone encounters on an unfortunately regular basis and talks to people around the world who embrace the stranger side of life.

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Hosted by Adam Dachis, Darren Herczeg, Erica Elson, and Richard Cardenas.

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74: Hard Boiled Times

August 10, 2015 at 12:00AM • 1 hour 34 minutes • Wiki Entry

This awkward week we're talking about single penetration, double penetration, and the president emeritus of the New York maps society! Want to ask a question on the show? Email [email protected] or call 323-456-3345 to leave us a voicemail.

Show Notes & Links Presented by CacheFly

Awkward Situation of the Week: Periods: they're an endless source of awkward moments. Erica and Jessica share their favorite embarrassing "female moments." If you have a story about how your period embarrassed you or made life difficult, call in and tell us at 323-456-3345 or email the story (as a voicemail or text) to [email protected]!

This Week's Questions:

  • Sy asks, "Graham, I hope you remember that guy that was the president of the New York Map Society for many years. I am donating a number of maps to the new York Map society. If you give me a letter stating the value of the maps I can use it as a tax deduction on my income tax. Tell me when you will be available and I will bring them to you. Hope to hear from you soon, thanks in advance for your help. Sy Amkraut President emeritus of the New York map society"
  • Alan (43/SM) asks, "Last year me and my wife hit a rough patch when we lost our mama Alpaca in a stupid accident with our water heater that was my fault. I still wake up at night with cold sweats because I have nightmares about her boiling to death. The PTSD caused a lot of friction between me and my wife and it never got much better until one day she was happy again. This was great and I felt better about everything and the nightmares didn't happen so often. On Saturday I was looking for my watch when I found a suspicious note with her name. It said, "Remeber [Wife], you can't buy the most important things with money" but it was on a bar napkin. I honestly thought it was nothing for some hours because it looked like she visited a jazz music club and one of the performers wrote her a note. Later I noticed I was worrying about it and then thought about how she might be in financial trouble. I logged into our bank's online web site and looked at the transactions. I found many purchases at bars and clubs and recognized some as popular locations for young single men and women. I will spare you the details and just tell you that with more digging (it felt more like spelunking after awhile!) I learned my wife is cheating on me. :( I decided not to confront her right away because I needed to feel my feelings first. Now I know I am angry but also relieved because our marriage is better. We never had a lot of sexual intercourse or oral sex because I have sore joints, but I enjoy many sexual activities with my wife. I want to enjoy them still and for many years to come, as we promised each other when we married each other. She wanted to include sex in our vows because it was important and I agreed. I make an effort to have sex with her frequently but I have noticed she is not interested very often and probably because of the cheating with another man. I've felt paralyzed most of the time because I don't know what to do. I don't want to confront her and rock the boat, but I feel betrayed as well. I will tell her eventually because I have to so do you think there is a good way to have this discussion? Remember, marriages are hard."
  • Franklin (25/SM) asks, "I have a quick one for you people. What do you do after waking up with a hangover in a girl's bed and then want to leave? Just leave, right? My friends think I'm an asshole for leaving but I didn't promise her anything that I can remember so why should I stay? Why should I or my friends conclude that she wants me to stay just because I slept there? Do you know 'the right way' of leaving a girl after you wake up in the morning after you got drunk and fucked?"
  • Anonymous (28/SM) asks, "I am not anti-feminist or sexist but I am not attracted to feminism. Any girl who goes on and on about sexism and how unfair it is to be a woman is a major turn-off of the largest proportions. I just don't want to fuck that kind of girl because her words make my cock wilt. It's just like if I were a Democrat I don't think I'd get turned on by a Republican talking shit about everything. I think I need to reiterate: I do not take issue in any way with the beliefs of feminists or political parties, but it turns me off 100%. My question is two-fold: 1) is there a way to explain this to women politely, and 2) should I try dating Asian women instead of white women? I really like white women but they are very opinionated and it hasn't worked for me lately. My best friend said Asian women are more subservient so I thought I could try one since feminism usually doesn't pair well with subservience. I am mostly attracted to white women but I could be attracted to the right Asian woman. Some look white but are smaller and smoother, both things I enjoy. I would appreciate your opinions on how I should approach this quandary. EDITORIAL NOTE: the person asking this question is part Pacific Islander (which is, ironically, grouped in with Asians), part African American. We're mentioning this because you probably assumed he was white based on the question and race is clearly a relevant topic here."
  • Anonymous (25/SM) asks, "Yo! I’m 25, straight, male, and I’m wondering if you have any general insight into how common it is for women to be into pegging? I’ve been pegged before and I love it, but most of my relationships aren’t really that serious, and don’t get to a point where it would feel appropriate to bring it up (partially because I’m nervous about them thinking it’s weird), so I haven’t been pounded by a pretty lady in a while. How common do you think female interest in strapon use is? Is it something most women would try, or that many women secretly have a desire to do, or is it actually kind of unusual? I have absolutely no idea."
  • Luca (19/GM) asks, "Aloha y'all. Long time listener first time emailer or something. I got a question about how I got kidnapped last weekend and am really steamed at almost everyone I know. It was my birthday party day and I said how we were gonna do dinner at Cracker Barrel (I don't give two fucks I love it) and that's what I thought was happening. But then I was going to the car with my friends and I got kidnapped. Like if I was along I wouldn't get so freaked out if this happened right before my birthday party because I would think my friends did it but they were there and didn't do anything so I was really scared for my life. There were guns and they told me to get in the van and I didn't recognize the voices. It ended up being a joke and they took me to the 'real party' but I was so messed up I just took an Uber home—and I didn't even get a rim job! So in case you don't get it some of my friends asked people I don't know to pretend kidnap me for the party and I did not get the joke or know it was a joke until they told me. My boyfriend knew about this and he knows me a lot so he should've stopped them because it's DUMB and ASSHOLEY. I just got so steamed and I don't want to talk to my friends or see them and I cried for like two nights afterwards. They told me they thought I knew or would know or whatever but I DID NOT KNOW and they were really realistic about it. I just don't know what to do about them because I'm so mad and I don't think I'm overreacting because of how it all happened. Like maybe I'm a pussy or something but I don't care! Like they couldn't figure out I don't like surprises when I've said it a million times? Like yeah I like some surprises that are fun but I don't like GETTING FUCKIN KIDNAPPED! What do I even do now?"

Special Segment: An interview with "Dick Pic Dan" about his first time getting DP'd.

Final Thoughts: Jessica explains how she discovered that she's allergic to semen.