The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide answers the uncomfortable questions everyone encounters on an unfortunately regular basis and talks to people around the world who embrace the stranger side of life.

Got a question or comment? Visit for lots of options! Check out our Subreddit, too!

If you love the show, please help us keep making them! (This does not require a financial contribution.)


Hosted by Adam Dachis, Darren Herczeg, Erica Elson, and Richard Cardenas.

← Previous Episode   |   Next Episode →

70: Bisexual Brain Vomit

July 14, 2015 at 11:45AM • 1 hour 5 minutes • Wiki Entry

This awkward week we're joined by Lindsay and John Bring to talk about testicular cancer, bisexual brain vomit, and the Anal Pleasure and Health Challenge! Want to ask a question on the show? Email [email protected] or call 323-456-3345 to leave us a voicemail.

Show Notes & Links Presented by CacheFly

Awkward Situation of the Week: John and Lindsay have an interesting experience at Maze Rooms. Also, Erica's hemorrhoid is gone!

This Week's Questions:

  • David asks, "Hi Awkward Humans, I heard your offer to listen through Anal Pleasure and Health, and I'm willing to take you up on it. As a listener from day one, a fan of the previous podcast (Grandma's Email Address, specifically), and connoisseur of anal pleasures, I feel almost obligated to be the listener to take your challenge. I know you'd like proof of listening, which I'm not sure how to provide, but I'd love to discuss with you and see how it could be done. I'd be happy to communicate via email, but I'd be happy to get in touch some other way if you'd prefer that. If there are any other details which I may have forgotten, please let me know about those as well. Aloha, David"
  • Dave (Voicemail) asks, "Dave has some advice about detecting testicular cancer."
  • Anonymous (19/BM) asks, "I am a 19 year old bisexual male that is super ready to come out. I’ve known that I’m not purely straight for as long as I can remember, and have spent the past 10 or so years of my life contemplating whether I am gay or straight, but after so much back and forth, I have realized that I really am bi. Genitals aren’t a deciding factor for me when it comes to deciding if someone is hot. If this is relevant, I am also a virgin because I didn’t want to have sex during all these confusing times, you know? Still, I am certain now that I am bisexual because, simply, both men and women interest me sexually. The boners don’t lie. Coming out seems like a really relieving experience for gays, and think it could be for me too, although coming out as bi seems to be more difficult even in today’s accepting society (however this is NOT to say that coming out as gay is easy at all!) A lot of people seem to think that being bi is a “phase” and that you will eventually just come out as gay, but 10 freaking years (about 50% of my life) is not a phase. I am not a confused teenager anymore. Here is the part where I ask you questions. It may be easier for you to discuss in between each one. I have three main concerns about coming out: 1) No one will believe that I am bi and not just gay, even if they do see me go back and forth between dating girls and guys. Even though I generally don’t care about what others think, having no one believe you is not fun, and I want to minimize this as much as I can. Do you have any advice for this, or do you think I’m overreacting? Do *you* think that bisexuals exist? 2) I can’t think of anyone to come out *to* right now mostly because I am not close enough with anyone in my life to tell first. I am in college and have a lot of casual friendships but none that are close, and especially none that are close enough for that. Also my parents will be the LAST ones I come out to. How can I seek out one initial friend to share this secret with and make it so it wouldn’t be weird? I would prefer to do this before coming out in front of a large audience (literally or figuratively – you’re brave, Adam) 3) With women its clear that I am interested in vaginas. Something about pumping my hard cock in and out of a hole in between the legs that is anatomically structured to receive it just fucking gets me going. However, with men it’s a different story. Most of the time I never know what I’m masturbating *AT*, and anal sex with either gender turns me off (not to say that there is anything wrong with it though for those who like it). If I were involved with a guy, blowjobs, humping, and mutual masturbation would be all I need. Does this sound like something realistic to ask for? If you are reading this, thank you guys SO MUCH for your patience as you try to sort out this brain vomit. I hope it makes sense at least somewhat!"
  • Gene (24/SM) asks, "Aloha, 24 year old straight guy here. Listening to your show you have gay guys write in all the time about getting sex. I'm a straight gay and I want to get sex like that with no strings. Gay guys seem to have apps and clubs for that but what do straight people have to get sex? As a straight man where can I get laid and not have to call her later? I think I sound like a dick saying that but it's what I want, so is that wrong? Also, can you tell me how to ask (politely) if these girls don't have diseases and are into safe fucking?"
  • Anonymous (SM) asks, "Me and my girlfriend have been together for years. She is beautiful and I love her, but she does not love me. I was suspicious of her because she didn't say I love you after a while and got mad at me for small things. I asked her about it and she told me she doesn't love me anymore but wants to be in the relationship anyways. WTF?? I told her I had to think about it, but the more I think about it the more I don't know what to do so what should I do? Do you think she can love me again or is it too late?"
  • Anonymous (SM/24) asks, "So I think my coworker wants to have sex with me because she straight up said 'let's have sex' out of the blue at least two times now. She has kids and a husband and is 34. I'm 24. I don't find her super attractive but I could still have sex with her. The more she asks the more I want to do it/her. I said yes last time she asked me to have sex with her because she asked me at a company party and I had some drinks. We haven't done it yet but she keeps sending me meeting requests on outlook that are like the most weird things, like one was called blueberries and another 'train passing through tunnel' so I think she is trying to schedule office time for sex time with me. I keep declining but she knows I am not busy because of outlook. Should I just have sex with her or is this a really bad idea?"

Special Segment: None

Final Thoughts: Farting in mouths: it's a thing!