The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide answers the uncomfortable questions everyone encounters on an unfortunately regular basis and talks to people around the world who embrace the stranger side of life.

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Hosted by Adam Dachis, Darren Herczeg, Erica Elson, and Richard Cardenas.



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68: Introduction to Bromantic Philosophy

June 30, 2015 at 1:00AM • 1 hour 35 minutes • Wiki Entry

This awkward week we're talking about high core body temperatures, bro philosophy, and revenge! Also, an interview with the mysterious Jaken regarding his former hernia. Want to ask a question on the show? Email questions@awkwardhuman.com or call 323-456-3345 to leave us a voicemail.




Show Notes & Links Presented by CacheFly

Awkward Situation of the Week: Richard accidentally buys and wears women's underwear and Erica struggles with a nuclear-grade hemorrhoid.

This Week's Questions:

  • Daniel (18/SM, Update) asks, "I have some follow-up for Darren involving my accidental “date” situation. It was a great time. I did exactly what you said, and took your advice and was gay for pay – literally, he offered it and I couldn’t say no, and I figured it was meant to be because what would the odds be that he’d offer? It was fucking amazing. I sucked his cock while he talked and talked and talked. ACTUALLY that was all a lie. I didn’t do none of your “gay for pay” bullshit because I’m not fuckin broke and I have a real job and all the money-oney-oney-oney-oney-oney-oney-oney-oney-oney-oney-oney-oney-oney-oney-oney-oney-oney-oney-oney-oney-oney-oney-oney-oney-oney-oney-oney-oney-oney-oney-oney-oney-oney-oney-oney-oney-oney-oney-oney-oney-oney-oney-oney-oney-oney I need. Aloha. Anyway, thanks again for having me on – you guys make it look so easy!"
  • Anonymous asks, "Hi, 25, male, straight. I just saw the Erotic Cotillian party video and I want to say one thing: holy shit I want my birthday parties to look like that. P.S. Erica I think you’re kind of hot. :)"
  • Anthony S. (Mid-20s/SM) asks, "Aloha, ladies and gentlemen. I have a kind of philosophical question about 'bros.' You must be familiar with the bro portmanteaux subset, containing terms like 'bromance' or 'brogrammer', because it has proliferated in our culture like a kind of verbal sepsis. In fact, there are so many of these neologisms that the term 'portmanbro' was coined as well. If it isn't apparent, I find this cultural phenomenon bewildering and nauseating and, yet, am oddly attracted to it. I've yet been unable to reconcile this contradiction. I am a man in his mid-20s who is 100% heterosexual. I consider myself an intellectual and embody none of the perceived qualities of a 'bro.' When I see them congregate and speak to each other with their 'unique' expressions and accents seemingly designed to honor the supposed virtues of vacuousness, I'm filled with disgust. Yet, later comes a longing for the entirely vapid but profound love they share with one another. I once overheard a group of bros discuss their sexual exploits in a California Pizza Kitchen, and two members of their group regaled the others with a recounting of their evening in which they sexually ravaged a 'hot blonde'—separately. Somehow, sharing this girl made them feel closer to one another. They exchanged an embrace over the emotion. In a strange manufacturing of emotion, I felt the warmth and love these bros kept for one another—a type of male bonding I never experienced in my young life. While it disgusted me, it also became something I longed for. I find myself still lost in this contradiction, longing for the companionship the bros have without the repellant subculture they've created. Can this be achieved? Is bro-ism a constant or can its best parts operate separately from its worst? From my observation it seems bro-ism grew from a need for this companionship amongst men, so perhaps all elements are intertwined. What have you observed? Is there hope for me achieving a more tempered, less-sickening version of a bro-mance or have I simply and tragically romanticized a horse dropping?"
  • Anonymous (24/SF) asks, "I need revenge against my boss. I looked for a new job for almost a year and finally got one. I get to leave my shitty ass company as soon as I give notice but I will only do it the right way. My boss berates me and makes me work late most nights. She makes inappropriate sexual comments, like she told me I dressed like a slut several times. She called me a potato with lipstick once but she stopped when I got my skin condition fixed. She is an ugly woman and a hypocrite for saying I'm ugly or don't look good. She tells me my work is bad a lot. She got so mad about a report she didn't like that she broke my printer. It wasn't that dramatic but she ripped off part of the paper feeder so I had to get a new one. The company said that was more cost-effective. She told me my handwriting looked like a drunk retard's once. I made a cake for my coworker's birthday. It had almonds in it and she thanked me for putting toenails in the cake and cutting up her throat. She is a bitch. I am not someone who likes violence or anger, but I want revenge on this woman. I can't go to HR about her, or I would have already. She is married to my mother's brother and I see her at most family events. Her husband got me the job with her when I needed it. I don't want to set off a bomb in the family by going after my boss, but I don't want her to have treated me like this without any punishments. I want revenge, but I have to do it quietly so she doesn't know it was me. What is there to do anonymously that will fit the crime? I want to embarrass her more than anything in the world."
  • Tom (27/SM) asks, "There are a few things you need to know about me first: I have over 300k in the bank because I saved my money. I make $90k about per year. I saved because I don't know when I will need money to buy a house or if there's a natural disaster. It's my safety net. I am 27 and a man. I hooked up with a girl six months ago, then we started dating and are still together now almost six months later. She made a reservation for dinner at an attractive restaurant and I thought she would ask me to move in together. Instead she asked me for 50k. The reason is she needs it for a down payment on a house for her divorced mother who is too poor to afford a house. When she said this I had a bad reaction and got quiet because I felt that maybe she was with me for money but when we talked more she just seems desperate because she isn't responsible with money like I am and can't get a loan and neither can her mom. I feel uncomfortable because we don't know each other that well. I love her but we have only been dating for six months almost. I would move in together and so lending money is a big decision like that one, so maybe I am paranoid. What would you do? I trust her but I don't know her mom and I want to get my money back some day."
  • Catalina (34/SF) asks, "I have a high core body temperature and need noise to sleep, but my husband has a normal body temperature and prefers a quiet environment. As such I have a small box fan I keep by the side of my bed and run at night while I go to bed. Every morning we have an argument about the fan because my husband wakes feeling cold and insists he did not sleep well. I believe he feels cold in the morning but he has remedies for that, whereas I do not. I believe he says he didn't sleep well to pad his argument. He falls asleep after me every night, and not because of the fan noise but because he's reading or playing a video game. He chooses to fall asleep at a later time and then blames it on my fan. I need my fan. If there were a compromise I'd have thought of it by now. I really need to convince him to deal with it either mentally or by getting a blanket and ear plugs. Whatever suits him is fine, but I cannot sleep without my fan and I do not know how to make him understand."

Special Segment: An interview with Erica's boyfriend, who shared his hernia with the world and then got it removed.

Final Thoughts: The quantified sex life is now here. Also, there's now an all-male version of Hooters called Tallywackers in Dallas, Texas (of all places). We're hoping to get an interview with someone there for a future episode.

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