The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide answers the uncomfortable questions everyone encounters on an unfortunately regular basis and talks to people around the world who embrace the stranger side of life.

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Hosted by Adam Dachis, Darren Herczeg, Erica Elson, and Richard Cardenas.

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67: Toenails and Tampons

June 23, 2015 at 5:15PM • 1 hour 2 minutes • Wiki Entry

This awkward week we're talking about toenail etiquette, frequent orgasms, and cleaning your butt. Also, a long overdue shout out to Sage! (In case I forget to actually do it in the show again.) Want to ask a question on the show? Email [email protected] or call 323-456-3345 to leave us a voicemail.

Show Notes & Links Presented by CacheFly

Awkward Situation of the Week: An intelligent discussion about cum rags.

This Week's Questions:

  • Sara M. (41/SF) asks, "Aloha guys! I have a question about toenail etiquette. My live-in boyfriend likes to clip his toenails while watching TV. If I'm there, it's gross. If I'm not there and I find a toenail on the couch, that's gross. He does try to clean things up so he's conscientious, but just bad at cleaning or it's hard to find them all afterwards. It's one of those. I want him to do it in the bathroom. Even if he misses one, it's in the bathroom. There are worse things in the bathroom. He doesn't like to do that, obviously, and I don't want to bug him about it. But I also want him to stop. Problem: I have been married and the divorce was messy. It was almost a decade ago but I didn't date for a very long time because my ex-husband did a number on my psyche. I was in therapy for YEARS. One of the main pain points for my ex was how naggy I was. Therapy didn't help me decide if he was right or not. I nagged. Everyone nags. I don't know if I did too much of it and now that I'm in an otherwise happy relationship I don't want to rock the boat over something silly like toenails. But I wanted to stop. See the loop in my brain? Just tell me something to get me out of this thought loop please!"
  • Laura (22/SF) asks, "Aloha. This question is for Erica because she has a vagina (or a puss—what do you prefer?). I have a very sensitive body, so when I have orgasms it happens for weird reasons. Like if I'm rolling around in the grass too long: orgasm. If I brush the pages of a book against my arm: orgasm. Lots o' things give me orgasms, and I don't always know when. I try to avoid it, but I could be eating lunch and the chair has a bumpy texture and then, you know: orgasm. What do I do about this? I know Erica is absolutely no doctor but I mean in social things. When I have an orgasm publicly I just try to hide it but it is so embarrassing. Also there's a small mess so I just wear a pad everywhere. That's fun to explain. No, not on my period, just spontaneous orgasms! On the plus side guys think they're so good at sex with me. On the down side, what I just explained. Thoughts?"
  • Jennifer (28/SF) asks, "I'm having a fight with my boyfriend and it is just not ending, so I really need some help here please. He loves using sex toys on me, which is not in any way a bad thing except for this one thing. He likes my 'pussy juices' to get into the sex toys and become a part of them. Like that's fine except it means they don't get washed, cleaned, or disinfected. That's not fine with me. It's unsanitary, and I didn't even know he was doing this until last week. My opinion is that if it's going in my vagina I get to decide if it's clean or not. He doesn't. He said he's not that into it if he has to thoroughly clean the toys and then lectures me about how the cleaning products are much worse for my pussy than leftover pussy juices. I told him to just boil the toys and he says he can't boil the electronic ones for obvious reasons but it's still bad because it releases some of the chemicals in the toys. I am pretty sure it doesn't do that! He won't listen and I am pulling out my hair. Not literally but yeah. I'm afraid of an ultimatum otherwise I would've given him one so fucking fast. I think if he agrees under duress he'll just pretend he's cleaning them and still do his thing. I could be too paranoid but do you think I am based on all that? Maybe I should just be happy that he hasn't put anything in my ass. Yet."
  • Isaac (17/M) asks, "I have a personal question: will I ever find somebody that loves me despite my lazy eye disability? I'm a boy."
  • Anonymous (27/GM) asks, "I never feel clean enough for anal sex. Every time I poop and wipe it's like there's a poop residue I can't wipe clean. When I touch my asshole with my finger it just looks a tiny bit brown and smells weird. I don't know if this is what my asshole smells like because of poop or if it's just how the skin is and I have an overactive imagination. I really like getting fucked and having my ass eaten (not in an Uber tho) but I am so so sooo paranoid about someone eating or fucking a dirty hole. I don't want a dirty hole but I don't know how to be sure it's clean. How can you ever truly be sure?"
  • Anonymous (27/GM) asks, "My boyfriend thinks I have too many apps on my phone because I have 78 apps. He says if I have more than two pages of apps and more than five folders with one folder page or less I have a healthy number of apps. I don't know how he came to this number. He says it's just the reasonable amount. He says he's concerned that I'm spending too much money on them and that I care more about my phone than him. I think he's being a manipulative cunt. He does these things all the time, micromanaging me and my choices. He does this with what I want to eat sometimes, or how I organize a drawer. I should probably break up with him but my family loves him and has said to him that if we don't stick together he can still be part of the family and he wants to be. So I'm curious if you think there's a way I can fix him or, if not, how I can get rid of him entirely. Like he's not always bad so maybe there's a way but if I'm thinking of ending it maybe I just need to accept reality"

Final Thoughts: Richard's coworkers are talking about him, and it's all good.

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