The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide answers the uncomfortable questions everyone encounters on an unfortunately regular basis and talks to people around the world who embrace the stranger side of life.

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Hosted by Adam Dachis, Darren Herczeg, Erica Elson, and Richard Cardenas.

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66: Like If Donald Trump Was a Foot

June 15, 2015 at 2:15AM • 1 hour 3 minutes • Wiki Entry

This awkward weird we're talking about impossible fetishes, angry parents, and dating a drug dealer. Want to ask a question on the show? Email [email protected] or call 323-456-3345 to leave us a voicemail.

Show Notes & Links Presented by CacheFly

Awkward Situation of the Week: Brad literally sleeps with a girl on our couch.

This Week's Questions:

  • Rob (Voicemail) asks, "Why do streets and towns have weird names (such as Intercourse, PA)?"
  • Travis (15/SM) asks, "I only have missionary sex with my girlfriend and I want to try some other stuff but I'm afraid to ask her. Also I don't know what's good and isn't bad for a girl. In porn it looks like doggy style isn't something the girl likes and then lots of others look uncomfortable. I know we could try some random stuff to see but I was just wondering what you think is the best position? What positions should we try or not?"
  • Darren (M) asks, "My problem is one of disclosure in that I am a drug dealer and girls think that's hot for one time but they don't think I'm marriage material. I understand on a surface level but I'm actually not a bad guy. I sell pills and marijuana. It's not like the movies and I'm not dangerous. I'm a really sweet guy and I like my line of work but can't meet a girl who wants a relationship if she's not an addict and that's bad for a lot of reasons, least of which is that I feel used for drugs. I finally met this nice girl through a friend and I told her I made money in the stock market, and then I told my friend I did that. He's mad at me now because he has to lie for me and I get that feel, but I didn't do it on purpose. I'm just getting really annoyed because women marry criminals all the time and what I do is not that bad. It shouldn't even be illegal. I help people get medicine they need. Like I don't know that for sure but my clients have conditions and I bring them drugs to help them. I don't know if they're lying but I run a delivery service. I am a drug provider, just not completely and 100 percent legally. How do I tell this girl I lied to her and I deal drugs? They break up with me every time."
  • Louise (25/F) asks, "So I think my parents hate each other and I don't know what to do about it. I caught them not sleeping in the same room when I was home for my sister's graduation. I also saw texts on my mom's phone that said bad things about my dad, like he's lazy and doesn't do anything. My dad is financially dependent on my mom because he got sick and took an early retirement and now my mom is the only one making money. She makes good money though. I think she's resentful of him if I had to guess. Anyway it's just that I don't know if I should talk to them about it because maybe they don't notice it's something we can see. I think my sister knows but we haven't talked about it yet. It's just bringing down the mood when everyone's home so I don't know if it's better to say something or stay out of it."
  • Rita (31/SF) asks, "I have a foot fetish. I recently met a guy who is very into it and I go to suck on his toes, etc., for the first time and his feet are gross. He didn't have blisters or anything of that variety. His feet are just very ugly. He is a ginger and has big, misshapen feet with long orange foot hair. Like if Donald Trump was a foot. I don't think shaving the hair is gonna help. Should I just end it before it gets all serious out should I work on it? I think we might not be sexually compatible because his feet won't get prettier. Can you get cosmetic foot surgery? I just want to explore all options because I really like him so far."
  • Caesar (34/GM) asks, "Ever since I started listening to your podcast I wanted to do more sexy kinky things. Forever I've been into all the normal not normal kinks like BDSM, orgies, water sports, cross-dressing, spanking, etc., but some crazy weird shit came up on your show and I got a some super boners. Like the girlfriend in a box: I want to be her! So I did that. It was okay. I expected more out of it but it was just like a glory hole in the dark. BFD. To keep things fresh I put an ad up on craigslist to be like, what weird shit do you want to do to me? Be creative. It must include something going in my asshole (it's always better that way). I'm fit and all so I got a lot of replies, but I put myself in a pickle because I don't know if people are honestly interested in the play scenes they suggested. One guy wants to treat me like his robot and plug cords into me and 'download' data. That's one I'm iffy on. Another guy wants to make me into a human cake and frost me. He said he'd put the frosting tube up my ass to meet that criterion, but whatevs. Do you think this shit is real or what? I'm gonna put up another ad, but fuck me if I trust any emails. It's always boring or it's suspicious."

Special Segment: Nothing this week, but stay tuned for a hernia!

Final Thoughts: It looks like after much debate, we're going to LA Float Center. Thank you Groupon.