The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide answers the uncomfortable questions everyone encounters on an unfortunately regular basis and talks to people around the world who embrace the stranger side of life.

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Hosted by Adam Dachis, Darren Herczeg, Erica Elson, and Richard Cardenas.

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59: The Doodie Fairy

April 27, 2015 at 12:45PM • 59 minutes • Wiki Entry

This awkward week we're talking about sex addiction, mommy scientists, and a doggy doodie surprise. Email [email protected] or call 323-456-3345 to leave us a voicemail.

Show Notes & Links Presented by CacheFly

Awkward Situation of the Week: We ran a 5K. It wasn't awkward but you'll see...

This Week's Questions:

  • J (SM/21, Update) asks, "Let me provide some background to paint the picture or provide explination. She is the daughter of a part time evengelical Christian pastor and both parents of hers are teachers. Her and I are both 21 years old along with her gayboy. Her and I have had extensive conversations about sex and relationships, picking each other’s brains of how we feel about certain things. SShe’s discussed how her thoughts and expectations in a relationship are that she could be comfortable with a partner seeing her naked following 2 months of a relationship. Any sooner and she feels it’s too much vulerability and exposure early on. To further clarify I once posed the question of whether she was “saving sex for marriage”. Although I was suprised given her upbringing she is against the concept of the purity movement and thinks that it puts too much emphasis on the father overseeing their daughter’s sexual life. Something to keep in mind too. Both her and I have not had (p-v) sex. Given her past romantic relationships I can’t see her currently giving blowjobs, getting eaten out, or having anal sex with her boyfriend. That being said people’s definitions of sex are different. I know she’s content with sleeping with him. The physicality of it and being next to another warm body. That being said I haven’t had the time to truly pick her brain about whether she wants more of the physical and sexual affection from her boyfriend. Sex can seem like a big deal when you haven’t had it before. I know that and she knows that too. Over brunch she mentioned how her close friend was going to have sex after being in a relationship for a year and trying to reassure her friend that it was certainly time to take the next step sexualy and go through iwth having sex. One must keep in mind that some have not fucked like bunny rabbits since high school while covering pictures of our grandmothers or religious pictures. As for Darren’s questions. No I have not found out it he’s actually gay. My friend doesn’t assume I think her boyfriend is gay but might speculate that I am questioning his motivations for the relationship. Also she’s still trying to get through the fact that he was questioning his sexuality. As for why it took so long to see each other again we go to school 200 miles away. I was waiting for a time to go home which meant we could meet and catch up. I realise that we have a somewhat long distance friendship but in terms of guy friends I’d imagine I’m the closest to her besides her bf and her two brothers. She’s easily one of my closest female friends. Finally thought I’d share how I was meeting up with her. She told me to meet her at a resurant. I typed in the resturant in Yelp and it showed it was on Broadway in a midwest town (for anonymity). I sent her a text saying “Broadway right?” and she said yep. Took the bus there and arived on time. She then called me and asked where I was. I said the neighborhood and she said that I was not at the right resturant. She meant the one by where she goes to school. In my defense they have the same resutant on the same street, 3 miles a part. Hopped on the bus and arived 30 min late. She was sitting alone on her 3rd cup of coffee. So that happened. To put the icing on the cake I tried to pay my portion of the bill with a transit card instead of a credit card. Anyhow enough rambling, let me know if you have any more questions. PS: We should have the gay boyfriend, her, myself, Erica, Darren, you, and the fart bully and victim along with the guy who keeps getting his ass grabbed for one big fucked up dinner. Sounds like fun to be with the conversations."
  • Patti (56/SF) asks, "I'll try to tell this quickly because you boys don't like essays. I found dog doodie in my front yard day after day, as though a doodie fairy came and visited my porch to leave the gift of shit. I thought it was my neighbor's dog so I left a friendly note asking him to keep his dog from going #2 on my property but I never heard back and the doodie continued. One night I put a video camera in the window and saw my neighbor come and make the doodie. WOW I was surprised! I went to his house the next morning and told him I noticed dog poop on my lawn, to keep from embarrassing him. He said to me that he didn't even have a dog. I asked him if he knew ANYTHING about it and he looked genuinely confused. Maybe he doesn't know about what he's doing, but I have a tape so I know. The question: how do I tell him about this? I gotta show him the tape, right?"
  • Laurence (28 F) asks, "I've been working at this new job for about three months now and I work in a cubicle. I have two colleagues who work in the two cubicles behind me. One of them will start yawning non-stop every two minutes for about 3/4 hours every afternoon. It may sound stupid, but I just can't stand his yawns anymore. They're like nails on a board. At the same time, the guy's allowed to yawn! He's tired and our jobs (data analysis) can sometimes be monotonous. At the same time, sometimes I feel like his yawns are a little affected. They're just a little too loud and intense to be all natural. I've tried blocking them out with headphones and they're so loud I can still hear them! So, should I say something? Am I being stupid?"
  • Anonymous (SM/28) asks, "My girlfriend recently revealed she is a sex addict and will cheat on me if we don't keep things fresh. She said this was not like a threat or anything but that she wanted to be honest because she likes me. We've been together two months and a week about, so I should know by now. I just don't know what to do with that info. I'm 28 but she's a couple of years younger than me. She is not even bisexual but has to have sex all the time."
  • Anonymous (?) asks, "I don't know how to explain to my mom what a stupid nerd she is. If I bring boys over she asks them stuff about science and what they think of the particle accelerator. Like that stuff. I told her I don't like her talking to them about that stuff because they don't all know everything and it makes them feel dumb. I think she hates men ever since my dad got murdered. I was 2 and half and so I don't remember it like at all but it was scary. Like she got freaked out and was weird but it's been like my whole life and she is still super weird. She is like a nerd robot. How do I make her stop???"

Special Segment: We're rotating in our swivel chairs.

Final Thoughts: "Sugar" bought Richard some salmon he didn't want.