The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide answers the uncomfortable questions everyone encounters on an unfortunately regular basis and talks to people around the world who embrace the stranger side of life.

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Hosted by Adam Dachis, Darren Herczeg, Erica Elson, and Richard Cardenas.

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58: Guiyé

April 21, 2015 at 1:15PM • 1 hour 2 minutes • Wiki Entry

This awkward week we're talking about an annoying boyfriend, Minnesota gays, and kidney stones. Want to ask a question on the show? Email [email protected] or call 323-456-3345 to leave us a voicemail.

Show Notes & Links Presented by CacheFly

Awkward Situation of the Week: The gang goes to Chilis.

This Week's Questions:

  • Chris (25/GM, Update) asks, "It’s been a few weeks since the breakup and we actually got together for some dinner and a movie (The Kingsman if you must know) which went well. We caught up on each other’s life since our unofficial official breakup, and just enjoyed talking to each other. As far as I know he hasn’t entered into a new relationship yet. I had my 2 dates, one of which went extremely well, and we’ve already gone on 2 additional dates each one going better than the last. (And to make things better we kissed on the first date and jacked off together on the 2nd! Already more action than the last 4-5 months!) I do feel slightly awkward and can see some potential issues down the road given the fact that he makes way more money than I do, and he also still lives with his ex-boyfriend of 6 years…awkward! As for the gay bars here, they’ve renovated The Saloon, so now it’s actually the better of the two and yes, they still have the clear shower with very hot guys letting water drip down their hot bodies…. What was I talking about? Oh yes. Gay bars. The Gay 90s is kinda seedy but you can still ride the big dick (a mechanical bull like thing except much slower…). They don’t have the hotel anymore, and the drag show is still going strong! Finally, the twin bed…. Oh the bed. I moved to Minneapolis in June after spending a year in San Francisco (which helped me explore my sexuality) and rather than sleeping on an air mattress again (which I did for 5 months in SF) I took my bed from home to have here in Minneapolis. Eventually, i do plan to upgrade my bed situation…. Though I do have a few years yet, right? Thanks, Your fellow tarot reader, Chris"
  • Carrie (33/GF) asks, "Greetings Awkward Humans. I'm talking to this girl who I like from another company my company works with. We don't sit in the same office really so no working together problems or that sort of problem. I found out she's a lesbian so I asked her to dinner and she said yes but then got kidney stones so we had to reschedule. Then we did and she broke a toe so we had to reschedule again. So I made another date with her and she told me she has a lactation problem and sometimes her nipples leak but if I'm okay with that we can have dinner but it makes her self-conscious. I checked with a coworker of hers who I'm friends with and she did honestly break her toe and have kidney stones, or she told her work that. I think maybe she just doesn't want to go to dinner? Is dinner a bad kind of date? I keep thinking I should pick another activity for us but I second guess everything because I don't know what wouldn't make her self-conscious and what would, or if she has a medical concern that would get in the way. Basically, what's a better date for us?"
  • Yuri (26/SM) asks, "OK, so I dress like a normal guy. Nothing special. I'm trying to be real about it and not exaggerate my fashion sense. I see something that looks good at the store, I get it. I dress well enough. Not like a fashion model, but a normal man who can look clean and presentable. So my girlfriend thinks she has amazing fashion sense and she doesn't. She picks strange clothing that looks really bad. She's hot and I love her anyway, and it's her decision what to wear, but she keeps trying to dress me and I say no. I told her I have a different style and I like mine, but she keeps pushing me. I don't want to hurt her feelings and tell her that her clothes are bad, and I already told her that her style is not for me. How can I make her stop?"
  • Ella (30/SF) asks, "Hey you guys! You’ve quickly become my most anticipated podcast! I only started listening a couple months back, but I’m having a lot of fun. I have a moral dilemma. So, I recently moved to a different country and took the chance to meet a ton of new people—and go back to dating. So, I started talking to this guy (say, guy A) on tinder because he was super geeky, and I can’t resist. we met once for a beer, and had a really good time, but I wasn’t sure I can see him as more than a friend. I had a date with someone else (say, guy B) the day after (my rule is that up to first kiss it doesn’t count as multi-dating). That date went really, really well, and after I left guy B’s place the next day I texted guy A that I am really sorry, but blah blah lets be friends. To my complete and utter surprise, he was fine with that. Guy B didn’t work out, but me and guy A are still friends. Actually, we’ve become quite good friends in the last ~1.5 months. We text a lot, we hang out and watch movies. In a way, we’ve been acting as if we are dating, only not. We don’t even hug goodbye, which feels a bit awkward, but I get like that with guys that aren't gay/taken/my partner. (I’m not very touchy.) On the one hand, I feel a little guilty about all this. I’m feeling like I’m leading him on, although I was clear to begin with. On the other hand, he’s a grown up. If he’s fine with being just friends, why should I feel guilty? I hate when people treat the friend zone like an evil punishment, but I somehow can’t shake it totally off. And on the third hand, if it wasn’t for guy B, I would have gone out with guy A to another actual date, and maybe it would have worked out. He’s not hot, but he’s OK looking, so close enough that feelings could make him good looking to me. I think about it a lot, but I also know that there won’t be a third chance, and if I try to become more than friends and change my mind again (say, what if he’s bad sex??) I am most likely to lose him as a friend this time around, which would suck. But because I’m in a way still interested, I can’t help but behave like I do when I am (not very direct, but very friendly and in semi-constant communication). So, am I a bad person? I really don’t want to hurt him, and I really want to stay friends. But I also feel it’s so silly, we obviously like each other and get along super well… I am still dating other people and so is he (I admit I felt a pang of jealousy when he told me about some date), so maybe by the time you talk about this one of us will be happily dating and then we’ll see where this friendship goes. Tell me what you think I should do! I’d call in if it wasn’t such a hassle, but I’m lazy. Can’t wait to hear you butcher me on the podcast!"
  • Evan (24/GM) asks, "Aloha guys (and Erica). I am in a predicament. I have a boyfriend that is very annoying. We've been together for almost a year. He is fucking hot. Best sex ever. I'm 24 and think I got my shit together, but he's 29 and he is immature for his age. He does not know how to let things go or STFU when he should. It's not just with me, but lots of people. If someone is talking about a political topic or whatever people might argue about (even about actors and if they're any good, for example) then he will get into it and not understand that other people around him are really annoyed. Like, he gives his opinion and then people will try to change the subject but he'll keep going on about it to the point where I just want to punch him because he's making everybody uncomfortable. He does this with me when we have an argument about anything. He's just daft. I want to tell him to get out of my face but he gets pissy if I get pissy. So I just don't know how to explain to him that he is annoying to everyone. He's a nice guy outside of this thing. I don't want to leave him and not just because I'll probably never have better sex ever in my whole life. But I really want this to stop."

Special Segment: None this week!

Final Thoughts: A man injected his penis with silicone and now it's just a big, fuckable foreskin tube. Also, it weighs seven pounds. He did it for the feeling of "being other." We have thoughts (and a few nightmares).

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