The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide answers the uncomfortable questions everyone encounters on an unfortunately regular basis and talks to people around the world who embrace the stranger side of life.

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Hosted by Adam Dachis, Darren Herczeg, Erica Elson, and Richard Cardenas.

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56: The Brat and the Rat Ride the Urinicorn

April 7, 2015 at 1:00AM • 1 hour 4 minutes • Wiki Entry

This awkward week we're talking about adult bedwetting, long distance relationships, and getting groped in public. Want to ask a question on the show? Email [email protected] or call 323-456-3345 to leave us a voicemail.

Show Notes & Links Presented by CacheFly

Awkward Situation of the Week: Thorin explains what it’s like returning to the dating pool in your 30s.

This Week's Questions:

  • Andrew (Update) asks, "Hey guys, I've been a little behind on the episodes so I'm just listening to number 53. Darren demanded an update from me so I scrambled for my phone to satisfy the brat prince. The 'it was my dream' was only a half joke. For 2015 my goal has been to get into the quantified self movement so I track various aspects of my life. I think it would be interesting to track the number of strokes I achieve while masturbating, but sadly it isn't my main dream in life. Although I do track the number of times I masturbate, so that's fairly close. If you want to know how much in the past month, I want to hear Darren beg me :) Until next time, Andrew"
  • Chris (25/GM, Update) asks, "Thanks for taking my question again! Here’s a quick update for you all… We ended up breaking up today. After a few long texts back and forth, after my ex told me that he was sending messages to our mutual friend on Growlr, I realized he was not looking for what I was looking for in the relationship. We sat down today, had some coffee and discussed our feelings. He told me that he’s not really looking for a serious relationship right now, because he’s got to work on himself first and that it wouldn’t be fair to me or anyone else to make promises he can’t keep. So if any one knows of any great guys that are looking and available in Minnesota…. Just kidding. Sort of. I have two dates planned already, with 2 different guys. I’m hoping I’ll get something out of one of them! Sincerely and with many thanks, Your fellow co-worker of the world, Chris"
  • Anonymous (SF/22) asks, "Me: female, straight, 22 Him: male, straight, 20 I met this guy when I was actually his teacher in college. He would spend 2-3 hours every day in my office working on homework. Nothing ever happened that semester or since but I feel like there’s constant tension where we both like each other. He decided that my family would be his surrogate family while he’s at college and he comes over to our house multiple times a week. I definitely like this guy and everyone thinks we’re dating already and I’ve tried being as obvious as I can without making things weird. I feel like I’m at that point where I need to stop putting my life on hold for him because we’re both too scared of making a move and ruining the friendship (and to complicate things, my brother is living with him next year). However it’s not like I have other guys waiting for me so should I just enjoy the ride and see what happens or give up and try to pursue someone else? "
  • Amanda (SF) asks, "I have been in a relationship with this guy for about 5 months now out of which it has been a long distance one for the last 2 months. We skype once a day for probably 20-30 mins. Unlike the usual long distance relationships, I feel I'm getting closer to him. And this worries me because I feel maybe I am missing out on things happening there or maybe he doesn't tell me stuff like before or I don't know...weird!"
  • Anonymous (SM/26) asks, "I am an adult who still wets the bed. I saw a urologist and I don't have any health shit happening, so I think it's psychological. It usually happens after some fantasy-type dream, like a unicorn bathing in the river. The dreams aren't always related to horses so I don't know every time if I'll walk up in a piss puddle. I am going to a therapist who specializes in dream psychology. He is a little weird (like hippie-weird, you know) but I think we are making progress. I have waterproof sheets, so my bed will survive. That is not my problem. My problem is women. Like most guys in their 20s (I'm 26, btdubbs), I want to have sex with them. In the beginning I just don't sleep over or make them go home, but this can seem rude depending on the woman. Right now I'm thinking I'll just jerk off until I get this fixed, but it only happens a couple of times a month so maybe I can just roll the dice? What do you think? Should I warn her first, or if not how do I explain what happened? What if I pee on her because we're cuddling?"
  • Jeff (SM/30) asks, "Aloha. I want to stop getting groped in public. I am almost 30 but I look younger and men just grab my butt or touch my chest and sometimes go for my dick like out of nowhere. I am not okay with this. I am not gay. I don't have a problem with gay people except the ones who grope me. Why is this happening? I live in Atlanta. Most of the men are older but not each and every one of them. I can't think of why I would attract this, if there's something I do that just advertises "grope me." My friends say I don't seem gay, just boyish-looking so I guess that has something to do with it. I don't know what else. Do you know why this happens and how I can make it stop? Also every time someone does it I push them away or say 'fuck off.' Should I do something else?"

Special Segment: None this week!

Final Thoughts: The moaning tennis boy and an update about Erica's mom.

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