The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide answers the uncomfortable questions everyone encounters on an unfortunately regular basis and talks to people around the world who embrace the stranger side of life.

Got a question or comment? Visit awkwardhuman.com/ask for lots of options! Check out our Subreddit, too!

**NSFW**

Hosted by Adam Dachis, Darren Herczeg, Erica Elson, and Richard Cardenas.



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54: Hug and Roll

March 23, 2015 at 11:00PM • 1 hour 22 minutes • Wiki Entry

This awkward week we're talking about the "three month curse," sex with unattractive women, and telling your boyfriend you like him. Want to ask a question on the show? Email questions@awkwardhuman.com or call 323-456-3345 to leave us a voicemail.




Show Notes & Links Presented by CacheFly

Awkward Situation of the Week: Hug and roll: is it the ideal cuddling-before-bed technique?

This Week's Questions:

  • Jon (Uber Ass-eating Update) asks, "So David texted me while I was at work and asked if I would like a 'wine night.' I said sure, who doesn’t like free booze? So we enjoyed a few glasses and just chatted about different things. I don’t know what we were talking about, but it led to me just asking David if him and Jim talked about an open relationship. He responded with, 'kind of.' My curiosity spiked, and so I asked what, and he started with this ridiculous story. Apparently him and Jim had gone out one weekend. They took an Uber home and when they got inside David couldn’t find his phone. So they called the Uber driver and had him come back. And according to David, Jim suggested that he show he Uber driver his ass. And honestly, David’s ass is ridiculously sexy, hence why I was a dirty mistress for so long. David went along with it and showed it. The driver then asked if he could straight up eat. David deferred it to Jim, and he gave his approval. So the driver ate his ass. He claims that it was for about five seconds and after they just went inside and went to sleep. I don’t know. Again, still trying to wrap my mind around it haha."
  • Anonymous (SM/41, Self-Esteem Issues Update) asks, "Greetings again, coworkers of the world. I just listened to your recent episode from 17 March and I apologize I seem to have left out some critical information in my initial correspondence. The advice provided was helpful, however, it is often difficult to put ones self ‘out there’ when you’re dealing with self esteem issues. Self esteem issues lead to the strive for acceptance, and it just seems like a vicious circle. Jesus and a goat, I probably just need some real therapy. Anyhow, here is the information I missed from my previous message:
    • I’m a straight male, 41 years of age
    • I apologize I didn’t respond to the Guerrilla Mail response, as I didn’t realize you could do that.
    • Dietary choices - not restrictions. Many years ago I chose to remove animal products from my diet for a number of reasons, so yes, as Darren suspected I am vegan. If this was a dietary restriction that people couldn’t accept (such as celiac disease, dairy allergy, etc), then that is truly on them as it would be something that can’t be helped. I have a choice, it is a choice that shouldn’t negatively impact others (like cannibalism or vorarephilia), but I don’t believe I should be judged by that choice.
    Oh well, too long already (that’s what she said). Off to work."
  • Anonymous (SF/20s) asks, "Sorry if this isn't very weird but it's awkward for me. My boyfriend of six weeks broke up with me because I yelled at a lady in a book store. She bumped into me while I was reading a magazine and said excuse me in a very aggressive tone, so I gave her a mean look back. And then she said 'aren't you going to say you're sorry' and I said 'no, you bumped into me.' It escalated from there and I called her bad names. She told me I was a rude little bitch and need to learn manners, but it was her fault! But that's not the problem really. My boyfriend witnessed the entire fight and told me it was very unattractive and couldn't see me anymore. He just left me at the bookstore and I was very embarrassed. I apologized to him many times since this happened but he won't get back with me. Now I feel I am to blame for this. I keep thinking how awful I am. It has been a few weeks now and I still cry about it because it hurts and I don't know what to do."
  • Chris (25/GM, live call in summary) asks, "Here's my deal. I've been seeing a guy for about 4 months now, and we've never gotten remotely intimate. The closest we've gotten is a hug and some awkward snuggling. I guess I can't help but wonder if he's into me, or just want to be good friends? I asked him about where we sat, and he said something along the lines of "it was good to get to know you as a friend first". I guess I thought we were dating the whole time... So I guess according to that timeline, we've only been dating in earnest for about a month? How do I get him to open up more intimately? How do I know if he's interested in that way? I guess I know I am interested in him... I think about dating other guys, but it's a bit of a scary prospect and I think about how much I like the one I've got... I just wish I knew if he felt the same... "
  • Anonymous (21/SM) asks, "Hey guys, I’ve got a little bit of a problem and would like to know some input. I’ve been dating this girl named Jess (not actually her name) for 3 months now. We’ve known each other for about a year and had a little bit of a fling in Feb of 2014, but that fizzled out because she was still in high school while I was in college. Now we go to the same school, see each other 5-6/7 days of the week, but still have our own lives. She’s 18 and a freshman in college while I’m 21 and a junior. She texted me last night telling me she was confused about what she’s doing with her life, and I immediately had a bad feeling about the conversation. She basically told me that she loves me and that she respects that I love her no matter what, but she feels a lot of pressure. She said she loves spending time with me and being with me, but can’t see herself marrying me or having kids with me, but instead sees herself being single and doing things on her own. She thinks we may have moved too fast, and I agree, and in the past couple of weeks we’ve been pretty distant in terms of intimacy and sex. I told her that relationships are about compromise and sacrifice and that I’d never hold her back from doing what she wants to do, but she thinks that we’re both in completely different places of our lives. Is this relationship doomed to fail or is this just the 3 month curse?"
  • Anonymous (SM) asks, "Problem: how to have sex with a woman I do not want to have sex with and am very unattracted to. I think you must want to know why. I bet with my colleague that I could hit on a woman at a bar we visited and she would go home with me. Whoever lost the bet had to sleep with an ugly woman the other chose. Well, I lost the bet. I am not so amazing I can have any woman. I know this now. But now I have the problem of sleeping with this unattractive woman. My colleague has chosen her and I have to ask her out and make love to her, but maybe I won't get an erection. Maybe I will feel sick or uncomfortable because she is not who I want. Can I take viagra for this? What are the other choices? If whores can do it, so can I."

Special Segment: Interview with furry Epoch Wolf.

Final Thoughts: Apparently 28 is old enough to charge you more for premium service, according to Tinder. We have thoughts.

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