The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide answers the uncomfortable questions everyone encounters on an unfortunately regular basis and talks to people around the world who embrace the stranger side of life.

Got a question or comment? Visit awkwardhuman.com/ask for lots of options! Check out our Subreddit, too!

**NSFW**

Hosted by Adam Dachis, Darren Herczeg, Erica Elson, and Richard Cardenas.



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52: Pregnant at 61 (Our One Year Anniversary Special)

March 10, 2015 at 2:30AM • 1 hour 35 minutes • Wiki Entry

This awkward week we're talking about a coworker love triangle, a problem dog, and your weird health questions. Want to ask a question on the show? Email questions@awkwardhuman.com or call 323-456-3345 to leave us a voicemail.

This is our one year anniversary episode, so it's a full 90 minutes! We answer your health questions, plus regular questions, with the help of Brian Ahuja and Rachel Kaye.




Show Notes & Links Presented by CacheFly

Awkward Situation of the Week: Brian shares his awkward stories in the ER.

This Week's Questions:

  • Anonymous (30s/F) asks, "I bought a gym pass on the new year as a resolution, and I've been actually going so yay me! I never really exercised too much before, and on the treadmill I pee a little like at the halfway point of the run. I sweat a lot so it's not like anyone can see this but it makes me sooo uncomfortable. Do you know why this happens to me and can it stop please??"
  • Anonymous (F) asks, "I get pee shivers. My husband has recently told me that it's not that abnormal. More common in men than in women. We talked about it after he saw me do the shiver while peeing. He gets them too. I was just wondering why this happens."
  • Anonymous (M/29) asks, "I get uncontrollable gas in the car. I am not thin but not fat. If I have to fart in a mall, or at a baseball game, I can hold it in. In the car, I can't. Even on smooth roads the gas finds a way out. Inertia maybe? A solution would help! My brother hates me."
  • Jeremy asks, "Why do farts smell worse in the shower?"
  • Nina asks, "Why can't you tickle yourself and why doesn't your own poop smell bed? That has GOT to be a brain thing. Are there other things like this? I can only think of those."
  • Anonymous (30s) asks, "I have sort of a two-parter. Although I wouldn’t be upset if you only used one part. Preferably the first part. Assuming you use any parts. Why is eating a trigger for pooping? For most of my life I thought people who had a bowel movement every day were weird. Then I learned it was healthy to have one every day. Sometime in my early 30’s my body must have changed because I became one of those people who pooped every day. But now it seems like once I eat my first real meal of the day (usually lunch) I’m going to be on the shitter 20 minutes later. It doesn’t happen every day day but I’d say at least 75% of the time. It seems like every time if my lunch is fried/fast food. The second part also has to do with poop. I’m concerned because my bowel movements are almost always 'muddy.' For a long while they were almost always watery like diarrhea even though I wasn’t sick but now it’s mostly 'muddy.' I’ll sometimes have a normal bowel movement though. I’m thinking this issue is diet related because I notice that when I’m eating like complete crap it gets worse and, if I remember correctly, it seems like the last time I was watching what I eat/dieting everything was A-OK. But I figure if I’m going to ask about pooping when I eat I might as well ask about muddy poop too!"
  • Anonymous (25/SF) asks, "Hi Awkward Humans, I have a situation that could use your help. I’m a 25 year old female that recently ended a year-long relationship with a 28 year old coworker we can call Matt. I ended things with Matt because I realized he’s a deceitful asshole. I also have feelings for another coworker, we can call Kevin, who is my age but works for Matt. Kevin and I are friends and used to flirt a lot, but that stopped when he found out I was dating his boss, Matt. I’ve always felt something between Kevin and myself, even while dating Matt. I know it hurt Kevin when he found out I was seeing someone, and realize I shouldn’t have played with his emotions. I guess I was secretly hoping Kevin would give me an excuse to break things off with Matt. I have two problems. First, I don’t know how to tell Kevin that I still have feelings for him; and second, I’m afraid how his boss Matt is going to react if Kevin and I start seeing each other. How do I go about dealing with these things? Thanks! Anonymous"
  • Leanne asks, "My boyfriend (call him Andrew) and I have been in a relationship for over 10 years. He is the sweetest guy in front of me, tells me that he loves me more than anything and how great I am a loooot. However, I just recently found out that he pays a lot of attention to a female friend of ours when I am not there, and slaps her thighs and butt for fun. Once he told her that she looked super hot and that he would immediately bang her if he didn't have me as his girlfriend. When she told him to stop because I wouldn't like it he responded with 'I don't give a shit what she thinks.' I am disgusted of my boyfriend but at the same time freaked out about no one telling me any of this earlier. Apparently no one wants to get "involved" in our relationship. Although I, from my perspective, do not think it is right not to do or say anything at all! I can also not confront him because I don't want to expose the friend that told me. The behavior (apart from what he said) does not surprise me, so I do not doubt it for one second."
  • Janet asks, "I wasn't gonna write because you'll see, but since you've got the one year anniversary episode Erica would want to know what the fuck Rebecca has done to my life now and also I don't know what the fuck to do. I might need advice, or therapy, but btw the sky is blue. Let us see, since last time I wrote Rebecca became my friend. She cried on me and told me all of her problems. In only a few months two matters of significance have come up. First of all, I got a promotion at work. Yep, I am that awesome, thanks. She and I are fuckin equals and, if I am a good judge of character (probably a big if), the one the office likes more. It's a crap ass story for her. Maybe weeks after my last email to you wonderful listeners of my shit show, she purchased a mini schnauzer dog or puppy (I don't know the fuckin difference) from a rescue house. The little fucker pissed and shit and barked and all but destroyed her apartment. Guess who owns the dog now? I do, and my husband ain't happy. His brother trains dogs so we paid for a flight for him from Nebraska to train Reagan. Oh yeah, the dog's name is Reagan. Not named after Ronald Reagan, but named after Rebecca's fuckin ex Reagan who was named after Ronald Reagan. The layers to that decision astound me. My husband's bro did the job but Reagan is not a lovable dog. It hates people, it still bites if you get close to it and you don't move and it decides you are a nuclear threat. It goes in the crate when we have guests. It does not care when we get home. It will not go on walks. The fuckin asshole doesn't even like to eat. I would not have accepted the dog but Rebecca was going to have it put down because she thought it (one) couldn't be helped and (two)—the part that scares the shit out of me—she thought it would be therapeutic in helping her get past her breakup with her ex. So of course I took the dog. My husband wants me to find it a new home, obviously, but who would want a fuckin depressed, asshole dog? I forgot to say before that when Reagan does poop, he cries. Whining plus tears, in a way that both breaks your heart and makes you want to strangle the fuckin thing. So in addition to what I will ask of you soon, I would like to know your sales pitch for this beast. How do you sell a cunt to a fag? (So to speak and no offense.) Maybe you know where this goes next, but I think Rebecca is actually crazy and also may be a retard on some scale of retardedness. You know how gays have the Kinsey scale. She is obviously competent at something because she has a good job and it seems as if she contributes to our company, but tons of retards contribute to society so it is very possible. My 'friendship' with Rebecca is now in this beautiful place where she fuckin scares me and I feel like my life is held ransom by her because she will kill me and my husband and definitely Reagan if I tell her I don't want to be her friend. My love is the ransom, and it is never enough. She will take it until I am dead, or I cut her off and she probably will kill me anyway. I guess the silver lining is I will be famous and my name will live on as Janet the bitch who died when the woman she farted on as a child went postal. But it's not just about me, it's about my husband. He didn't ask for my fuckin fucked up life. This is not fair to him. I have to get rid of her gently, somehow. He doesn't want to uproot and move. I don't either but it is in my head as an option. Listen, I get this is my paranoia but I have lived through abuse. I joke about these things, but I am seriously scared of what the fuck she might do to me if we stay 'friends' or I cut her the fuck out. It used to be funny but now I want to put an end to it. I want to know she's gone and I'm safe. I've ruled out leaving the state or country or murdering her. I think for safety reasons and mental health reasons I should not cut her off or stay friends with her (respectively). My best idea so far is to get her fired and also help find her a job that makes her move far enough from me that I won't have to see her and can just 'lose touch.' Easier said than done. So any brilliant ideas, awkward people, or am I just fucked for life?"

Special Segment: Interview with Brian Ahuja, neurologist in residency.

Final Thoughts: This was a long episode. That's what we finally thought.