The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide answers the uncomfortable questions everyone encounters on an unfortunately regular basis and talks to people around the world who embrace the stranger side of life.

Got a question or comment? Visit awkwardhuman.com/ask for lots of options! Check out our Subreddit, too!

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Hosted by Adam Dachis, Darren Herczeg, Erica Elson, and Richard Cardenas.



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49: The Hunger of the Second Mouth

February 17, 2015 at 5:15PM • 50 minutes • Wiki Entry

This week on Awkward, we're talking about a strange pussy urges, a well-trained boyfriend, and temporary gayness. Want to ask a question on the show? Email questions@awkwardhuman.com or call 323-456-3345 to leave us a voicemail.




Show Notes & Links Presented by CacheFly

Awkward Situation of the Week: An Indian man tricks a woman into having sex with him by pretending he's a blonde fashion model. He accomplishes this by making her close her eyes the entire time. She finds out when she catches a glimpse, accidentally, of him getting out of the shower. Upset, she takes him to court for non-consensual sex and impersonation. Thoughts?

This Week's Questions:

  • Alison (SF/25) asks, "I am 25. I have been with my boyfriend for two years now. My best friend and I have been roommates for 6 years. We studied in the same college, so all three of us are pretty close. They were two of my greatest strengths before this incident and are two of the nicest people I know. But I don't know if I can ever trust them again. My bf and I had been having some trouble for a few weeks. Three weeks back, we (the three of us) had to go to a friend's place for a party. We had some time before that so we decided to grab some drinks. I got into a heated argument with him about something. Both of us were really mean to each other. Just then his brother called and he went to talk to him. We went to our friend's party. There, my roommate came to me crying and told me that my bf's brother had called her up telling her that my bf was about to break up with me. She told me that I should talk to him and that we are meant to be together. I was angry and didn't react. She kept crying and the intensity increased with the number of drinks she had. She took my bf to a corner and kept pleading with him not to break up and to try to make things work. He was crying as well and I could hear him say things like "No one is satisfied with me" and "I want to move out of this city". I slept after this. The next morning he broke up with me. I decided to move back to my hometown. He found out and came to visit me the very next day. He cried and apologized and asked me to stay. I agreed. Yesterday, I found out that he had kissed my roommate that night at our friend's place. Neither of them told me. Someone else did (they had both gone to this friend to dump their emotional baggage and guilt). He says it was "just a peck on her lips" and that "it meant nothing" and that "it wasn't even for a second". He says he didn't tell me as he didn't want to lose me. He also says it was entirely his mistake and my roomie should not be blamed. He says he loves me with everything. She says the same. They both are genuinely sorry. What should I do? Is this forgivable? She is like a sister to me and has ALWAYS been there for me. He is (rather was) one of the very few people in this world I respect a lot and I love him more than anything else in this world."
  • Louis asks, "I'm in a long-term relationship with my girlfriend and it is our first Valentine's Day apart. Do you have any ideas for celebrating remotely or should I just call her or something?"
  • Daniel's Friend (F) asks, "Why I just get a certain urge to put a turkey wing inside my pussy? (Followup questions answered here.)"
  • Kent (SM) asks, "OK. I made out with a guy when I was drunk. My girlfriend saw us and thinks I'm cheating on her and I'm gay, but neither is the case at all. I need to convince her that I love her and this was an isolated incident. How can I do this?"
  • Carol (26/SF) asks, "I found that treating my boyfriend like a dog--as in a puppy dog--helped our relationship a lot. I provided his own space that he can keep messy or do what he wants with but he can't bring out any of his stuff into the rest of the house. When he needs something I conditioned him to ask me in the right way with positive and negative reinforcement. For example I've primed him with specific words so he recognizes what I do and don't like with ease. It has made him a better boyfriend and improved our relationship. The problem is he overheard me giving this advice to a girlfriend and now he’s upset with me for using dog training techniques to make our relationship better. I didn't mean literal dog training techniques. Obviously I adapted them for a human. I don't think he realizes that he needed this because he wasn't very mature or kind when I met him but now he is. I want him to appreciate what I've done, but I understand why he doesn't. Is there a way I can fix him again?"
  • Jesse (Voicemail) asks, "I'm a sociable guy, but I can never seem to turn my friendships into relationships. What can I do?"

Special Segment: None

Final Thoughts: Erica holds a penis while it pees (three times) and explains how women wipe themselves after peeing.