The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide answers the uncomfortable questions everyone encounters on an unfortunately regular basis and talks to people around the world who embrace the stranger side of life.

Got a question or comment? Visit for lots of options! Check out our Subreddit, too!

If you love the show, please help us keep making them! (This does not require a financial contribution.)


Hosted by Adam Dachis, Darren Herczeg, Erica Elson, and Richard Cardenas.

← Previous Episode   |   Next Episode →

46: Somebody Needs an Ink Shrink

January 26, 2015 at 8:15PM • 1 hour 8 minutes • Wiki Entry

This week we're talking about dating with disabilities, professional cuddling, and the fear of abandonment. Call in with questions at 323-456-3345 or email them to [email protected]

Show Notes & Links Presented by CacheFly

Awkward Situation of the Week: Welcome to Soup 'n' Nuts! Darren catches Erica making out in the window.

This Week's Questions:

  • James asks, "My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost four months. Her last boyfriend was with her for three years. Without any warning he broke up with her. As little as two weeks before that he was telling her how much he loved her and how he wished he could marry her. She says that they dated on and off again for 18 more months after that, and that was also very painful for her. After him she did nothing but casual sex for a long time. The moment she felt like she was falling for someone she would end the relationship. I'm the first guy since him she's taken a risk falling in love with. The thing is, when I've told her I love her, her immediate gut reaction is that I'm lying to her. She hates talking about the future. She has nightmares about me leaving her for other women. When I tell her I want to stay committed to her and don't want this to end, she again thinks I am lying. She is so scared, and scarred, from her last experience that she is having trouble believing that I truly want to be committed to her. But I do. In fact, she's the first person in my life I've felt so strongly for. She says that the logical part of her brain believes me and knows that everything I've done indicates I want to be with her, and that I love her, but it's the emotional part of her that is so skeptical. I've been trying to do concrete things to express it. Instead of saying "I want to be with you forever," I am planning a trip with her five months from now. Instead of saying that I like when she's around and that she's always welcome (she hates the word "always"), I've bought some of her favorite snacks, and her shampoo and body wash for the shower, to keep at my place. I don't know if there is a real answer for this. It might just be her issue she has to work through and all I can do is not give her any reasons to doubt me. But if you have suggestions on how I can reassure her that I want to be with her, I would be grateful."
  • Mattheous asks, "Hello, Awkward Humans! You may remember me from a few episodes back. My fiancèe walked out on me, and then broke up with me. I met my ex on a support group for people with my condition (Cystinosis), but everyone else in that group were dumb asses. Also, she blocked me on Facebook and isn’t talking to me, and her parents hate me (someone told them something I NEVER SAID). So there’s no hope of getting back together. I truely wish there was. My therapist said I should start dating again, but I have no idea how to. As I may have said, I can’t afford to get out much and currently I don’t live in a city or an area with good public transport. I can afford to go out maybe once a month, if that. I tried OkCupid. I got a lot of views (maybe it was the fact that I was wearing a suit in my picture?), but when I messaged the people who viewed me I got no response, as well as when I messenged women who didn’t view me, but interested me. I tried Tindr but I never got any matches. I tried /r4r (subreddit that is basically for personal ads). I even tried r/kikpals. I just wanted friends (and I said that in the message), but the only responses I got either disappeared after a while or I got no responses. I want the chemistry I had with my ex. From the very beginning we clicked. From the very first ‘date’ we got along. I desperately want that again. No one can really take the place of her, and a part of me will always love her... But I know I have to move on. I can’t join eHarmony because I’m not a Christian, and I’d like to not pay to use a site but I will if there aren’t any alternatives. I’d really rather not though. I’m out of ideas. And I’m crushingly lonely. Also, I’m on disability (due to a legitimate disability), and women tend to think all guys on disability are losers. So I have that going against me, even before I ‘meet’ someone. Any advise? Or site suggestions? If only there was a site that was based around Netflix recommendations... Help me, Awkward Humans! You’re my only hope."
  • Jen (30/F) asks, "I've had a dilemma on my mind since high school, and it goes like this: What do I do when a conversation naturally dies and I have nothing left to say? Do I just walk away? What if I’m sitting down and can’t leave? What if I have to sit with this person and we have zero to talk about? This happens to me. I am not bad at conversationalizing, but some people are and I have to sit with them at a dinner party or a wedding. Also there are people who are very awkward and uncomfortable to talk to, like they tell everyone about their frequent nausea in detail, make bad puns, or are just inappropriate. For example my cousin asked me if I liked January Jones and I said I don't know and then he said 'someone's on her period.' So wtf do I do with that? (I said no for the record and then we sat in silence.) So, how do I do?"
  • Sian (23/SF) asks, "I want to become a female sugar baby. I’m very nice looking and happy, and I have settled myself with the idea of indirectly having sex for cash with older men. I find older men attractive sexually, and I want to pay my student loans off and start a business career for myself. I know where online to make this happen so everything is in perfect order aside that I am very displeased by cunnilingus. It tickles in a strange way that I don't like, while I do like intercourse and can have orgasms from it. I have the concern that many men will want to have oral sex and I will struggle with this. Can you tell me how I can adjust or instead how I can explain to a man that it makes me uncomfortable? In a normal relationship I can say these things, but I don't know how in this situation. Thank you very much!"

Special Segment: Interview with Guru Cuddler Mirza of professional cuddling service CuddleMe.

Final Thoughts: Darren has an interesting concert event to share.