The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide answers the uncomfortable questions everyone encounters on an unfortunately regular basis and talks to people around the world who embrace the stranger side of life.

Got a question or comment? Visit awkwardhuman.com/ask for lots of options! Check out our Subreddit, too!

**NSFW**

Hosted by Adam Dachis, Darren Herczeg, Erica Elson, and Richard Cardenas.



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45: This Female Gives Me Butterflies

January 20, 2015 at 10:30AM • 1 hour 11 minutes • Wiki Entry

This week we're talking about sneaky spouses, poetic text messages, and an intense pickup line.




Show Notes & Links Presented by CacheFly

Awkward Situation of the Week: Lindsay tells a story about falling off her chair in front of someone she doesn't much like.

This Week's Questions:

  • James asks, "My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost four months. Her last boyfriend was with her for three years. Without any warning he broke up with her. As little as two weeks before that he was telling her how much he loved her and how he wished he could marry her. She says that they dated on and off again for 18 more months after that, and that was also very painful for her. After him she did nothing but casual sex for a long time. The moment she felt like she was falling for someone she would end the relationship. I'm the first guy since him she's taken a risk falling in love with. The thing is, when I've told her I love her, her immediate gut reaction is that I'm lying to her. She hates talking about the future. She has nightmares about me leaving her for other women. When I tell her I want to stay committed to her and don't want this to end, she again thinks I am lying. She is so scared, and scarred, from her last experience that she is having trouble believing that I truly want to be committed to her. But I do. In fact, she's the first person in my life I've felt so strongly for. She says that the logical part of her brain believes me and knows that everything I've done indicates I want to be with her, and that I love her, but it's the emotional part of her that is so skeptical. I've been trying to do concrete things to express it. Instead of saying "I want to be with you forever," I am planning a trip with her five months from now. Instead of saying that I like when she's around and that she's always welcome (she hates the word "always"), I've bought some of her favorite snacks, and her shampoo and body wash for the shower, to keep at my place. I don't know if there is a real answer for this. It might just be her issue she has to work through and all I can do is not give her any reasons to doubt me. But if you have suggestions on how I can reassure her that I want to be with her, I would be grateful."
  • Briana asks, "I'm a young woman (22) who wants to work in television. One day I would like to be a producer, and am willing to start from the bottom and work my way up. Every article I've read and every person I've spoken to insists that this can only happen through networking. But I don't often feel comfortable in new social situations and my manner can come off as standoffish. At this point I'm struggling to get my foot in door with an entry level position like admin. What are some techniques I can use to relax in new company, or is there another route to getting a job in the television industry?"
  • Anonymous (SM) asks, "I have been married for 20 years, and suddenly my wife is telling me that she would like some alone time away from everyone. Just short periods of riding around by herself and/or maybe a day of shopping by herself or even hiking. Is this normal? This is the first time anything like this has come up. She does have a checkered past of infidelity but lately seems to have given it up and is really trying hard to succeed in this marriage with me. She said she can't really explain the feeling other than that someone is always around her asking questions and needing help. Family, friends, co-workers and me. She is never alone. Her job is very stressful—she heads up a nursing home. I am just concerned that this may be another sneaky way to mess around on me. I have heard of this before with some people but she has never said anything like this before now. Ideas?"
  • Arun asks, "I said to this female, "Your beauty is so overwhelming. From the first time I looked deep into your eyes, I had butterflies like crazy it felt like I could fly." She said I don't know what to say to this. What should I expect out of that?"
  • Anonymous (SF) asks, "My boyfriend writes me love poems and texts them to me and I hate them. Example: 'Title: Thank You No one thanks the waves in the ocean or the sun in the sky, though they are loved by the earth. The days go by when my silence pains me for I do not thank you for loving me. So here I thank you for the hands you rest upon my side, and the lips you press against mine. I thank you for every touch, for every smile, until the day we walk the aisle. I thank you, my destiny, for that love.' My problem is he’s sensitive and I can’t tell him the truth. What can I tell him to make the poems stop that won't hurt his feelings forever? P.S. we aren't marrying, we have been together for nine months so I like to believe this is artistic license and not seriousness."
  • Anonymous (Update) asks, "[Regarding the girl who flirted and then suddenly disappeared and left the anonymous guy confused.] Funny thing is she actually texted me this morning (the first time she’s texted me first in maybe…two months?) saying I was “on [her] mind” over the break and didn’t know how to tell me this but she got back together with her boyfriend over the holidays – just like I said in my email. She also said she’d give my ticket back without me asking. Thanks for going through my numerous paragraphs of analytics but now that I’ve found the answer behind this investigation I’m good. I’m glad it wasn’t something I did at least. :) By the way: even though it didn’t turn out well for Erica in that one situation, mad props to her for being a real lady and texting him first."

Special Segment: Interview with Big Clive about digesting glitter pills and pooping them out. Watch his original video.

Final Thoughts: How do you have sex with a dog in the room?