The Awkward Human Survival Guide Retired

The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide answers the uncomfortable questions everyone encounters on an unfortunately regular basis and talks to people around the world who embrace the stranger side of life.

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Hosted by Adam Dachis, Darren Herczeg, Erica Elson, and Richard Cardenas.

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251: Babies with Scabies

June 5, 2020 at 11:00PM • 1 hour 8 minutes • Wiki Entry

This awkward week we're talking about unwanted attraction, searching for a girlfriend, and Doctor Uncle with special guest Jeffrey Jay!

Show Notes & Links Presented by CacheFly

Awkward Story Time: Jeffrey shares his experience going to rehab and living a sober life.

Special guests: Jeffrey Jay 


Anuj Agarwal: "Hi There,

My name is Anuj Agarwal. I'm the Founder of Feedspot.

I would like to personally congratulate you as your website The Awkward

Human Survival Guide Podcast has been selected by

our panelist as one of the *Top 20 survival Podcasts* on the web.

I personally give you a high-five and want to thank you for your contribution to this world. This is the most comprehensive list of *Top 20 survival Podcasts* on the internet and I’m honored to have you as part of this!

We'd be grateful if you can help us spread the word by briefly mentioning

about the Top 20 survival Podcasts list in any of your upcoming post.

Please let me know.


May: "I have a friend (Rick) that is interested in me, but I do not like him back in that way. He works down the hall from me and most fridays our office watches movies or play board games together - so we became friends. When we first started hanging out not at the office I told him I just wanted to be friends and he agreed. But I can tell he still has feelings and it sometimes makes things awkward. I am not great at talking about this kind of stuff and I don't want to hurt him so I tend to just avoid it. Last night in particular was pretty bad and it makes me think I need to change my approach.

Some friends (Rick, a poly couple, another single straight guy, and I) were all hanging out together. We had been drinking quite a lot and watching a movie (Orgasmo - I totally recommend it btw). When the movie was over, we got in a hot tub and kept drinking. Rick commented that I looked hot and put his hand on my knee. I just scooted away from him and kept talking. Pretty soon Rick was plastered(by far the most drunk I have ever seen him) and moping that no one liked him and that he just wanted to cuddle with me. He talked about how I must like this other guy at work who "isn't any better than him". I felt awkward and had no idea what to say to him. Our other friends acted as a buffer and told Rick that I was not interested in him, but there are plenty of other girls out there.

We will definitely keep seeing each other at work and I would like to still hang out with our friend group together outside of work. Is there something I can do to help him get over me? Should I try to talk to him about it or act like it didn't happen? "

Ivan: "Hello awkward peoples,
I go on many many dates but even so I can't find a girlfriend. My friends say I always have too many problems so I want to know your opinions. Two years ago I "escaped" my girlfiend of 4 years. She is very sexy and our relationship was so satisfying physically but not in all the other ways. She was very demanding and always correcting me. It seemed though she didn't like me the way she acted. She would always tell me what I'm doing wrong but never a thank you or any appreciation though I tried to treat her well. I broke up with her by telling her mother because I thought she would be so angry or convince me to change my mind somehow. I talked to her mother many times to have advice on what to do from a "professional" with experience. Her mom understood and told me she would break the news. The apartment was hers so I moved myself out.
Now I date these girls but they do not match up to the sexual prowess of my ex or they are complaining about the small things after just beginning to date. I want a woman who is nice to me and also has a sexual appetite. Is this not possible? Am I doing something wrong or do I stop listening to my friends and be patient?
I am interested in your opinions.

Alice: "Dear Awkward Humans,

My husband (Noel) is a doctor and so my family thinks they get to have free exams when we visit for the holidays. I tell them to make appointments but they don't listen. Noel says it doesn't bother him but he is a pediatrician with a private practice. The extra business would help. For small questions I understand wanting to ask without an appointment. I do not know how to get my family to back off and Noel is too nice. The family calls him Uncle Doctor now.

On Memorial Day my sister asked him to look at her son's penis because he would not stop scratching. I know what this kid gets into so it did not surprise me to learn he had scabies. He is in Kindergarten so he did not get it through sex but the kid has issues with boundaries and don't want to think about how he got scabies. Noel prescribed some shampoo and so I thought the door was shut on this story. Of course I was wrong.

My sister's kid gets to school and tells his teacher he has scabies and he got them from Uncle Doctor and that Uncle Doctor gave him shampoo to get rid of it. He wasn't saying Noel gave him scabies. He was saying that Noel gave him the diagnosis but he is 6 and obviously did not express himself properly. My sister was in the room with Noel and knows he did not molest her kid so there is no problem with my family. On the other hand the school will not let this go. The have called the police and social services because they think "Uncle Doctor" molested one of their students and he was trying to get help. No explanation matters to these people. They say child safety is their first priority but I think the school decided to go after this to avoid liability. Or maybe they're racist because we're Korean. Who the fuck knows anymore.

Currently we are complying with the investigation but have no way to prove anything. My sister assures me her kid won't say the wrong thing to the police or social services but if she tells him what to say they will find out because this kid says everything. He doesn't understand secrets or what not to say because adults think the wrong thing. I don't want my husband to get arrested for being too nice to a kid that doesn't understand when to shut up. What can I do? I don't want my husband to get arrested because I complied and hoped the authorities would see the truth. There is no truth to uncover because it didn't happen and they did not make a fucking appointment like I always said. What can I do?"