The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide answers the uncomfortable questions everyone encounters on an unfortunately regular basis and talks to people around the world who embrace the stranger side of life.

Got a question or comment? Visit awkwardhuman.com/ask for lots of options! Check out our Subreddit, too!

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Hosted by Adam Dachis, Darren Herczeg, Erica Elson, and Richard Cardenas.



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24: Four Dates and a Funeral

August 26, 2014 at 12:00PM • 1 hour 17 minutes • Wiki Entry

This week on the podcast we're talking about taking your boyfriend to a funeral, an inactive sex life, and when your boss hooks you up with a racist.




Show Notes & Links Presented by CacheFly

Awkward Situation of the Week: A follow up to Cecilia's Loud Sex story: A couple months ago we talked about how Cecilia's neighbors had incredibly loud sex. She received a complaint note from her neighbor who thought Cecilia and her boyfriend were the ones having loud sex. Now, several months later, the neighbor in question has to go to court because her landlord is slapping her with noise complaint violations which seem quite justified. She corned Cecilia in the subway and asked if she could testify in court and explain that the noise really wasn't that bad. This is obviously false.

This Week's Questions:

  • Teddy asks, "A few years ago I marched for a world class drum corps. Basically major league marching band. It was the summer after my junior year in high school and I had audition and made a spot in the corps. Most of the people were entering or in college but I was still good for my age. Long story short people began to kind of pick on me and it came to the point where there was a stigma that I was just a bad kid and I was ruthlessly picked on. I'm not trying to brag but at home I had a ton of friends and I was used to people liking me. It was just strange for me. Two people in general were specifically brutal to me and to this day I still think about it and it tears me up inside. It makes me anxious just thinking about it. I really want to send a message to one or both of them apologizing for our bad relationship and for any negative behavior I produced. I just need closure or something. Is this a bad idea? I don't even know if they remember me that well."
  • Garret asks, "Here's the story, we met on a dating site and have been seeing each other fairly regularly despite our busy schedules and what not but things are still new. We text everyday and based off what has come to pass would say that the feelings each other are more that just 'like' but less than 'love' she recently asked me to come down to support her at her funeral. She got the news on what was supposed to be our 3rd date. This means I would have to meet all of friends and family whom never met before in some of the worst circumstances. I agreed, because I did want to show her that I care for her and want to support her. So I met her family and instantly fell in love with them. I met her friends, instantly fell in love with them as well. The feeling is mutual, they are all really happy she met me and that 'she needs a guy like you.' Now the complications arrive. Despite the situation I have had the best moments with her friends and family that had in a while and have been genuinely happy. It's a life can see myself being happy with. Now I fucked up and told her that I have more serious feelings for her, and she told me that she can't handle that. I felt at that moment she pushed me away. I'm back in town now after a difficult car ride home there was some issues that concerned me. One, I am a very openly emotional person. Two, I'm a very co-dependent person. She isn't, she's always have had to do the work or the chasing in a relationship and so she doesn't know how to cope with me being like that. She says she goes crazy if she spends a significant amount of time with any one person, being siblings, roommate, you name it. She says that she needs time to process everything which I do think is beyond fair, for her it's too much to handle the mourning of her dad and add in my emotions. I get it. How exactly do I take a step back? I'm falling for this girl and can't just scrap what I feel for her, the damage is already done. How do I give her her space without giving too much space? Also how do I or with the other issues of being open with my emotions and my co-dependency, things she isn't just too sure how to deal with? She still wants to try, and believe her, but I'm afraid in the end I'm going to get hurt, again."
  • Jay (Voicemail) asks, "Hey guys, my name is Jay. I'm 30 year old gay man. I've been in relationship with a guy for about a year now. I was kind of seeing him and somebody else. It wasn't really a boyfriend-type relationship at that time, but I never told any of them what's going on with the others. Eventually I cut it off with one of the guys and I stuck with the guy that I'm with now. The problem is that I'm with right now, well, the sex life is and all that good. Unfortunately, I've made the decision to kind of see guys behind his back. Not for dates but more for sex . I've cheated on him three times already. My boyfriend's personality is awesome. He's a great person anytime I've needed help with anything. The problem is in bed. He just kind of lies there. He's not the greatest kisser in the world and I'm kind of conflicted with this whole thing. I'm really not sure how to proceed. One hand, I love him to death and I would do anything for him. On the other hand. I'm pretty much cheating on him or have cheated on him because I'm not satisfied at all what I'm getting in the bedroom. So, I'm really not sure...should I break up with him? It's a really confusing situation for me, I guess. Your thoughts, please. Thanks."
  • Steve (Voicemail, Abridged) asks, "I broke up with a neurotic girlfriend who sent me a text message telling me I had a small dick. I just thought this was immature until I was with another girl and didn't feel confident, wondering if my dick was big enough. What should I do?"
  • Andrew asks, "Several days ago, my boss invited me over to her house for a small dinner party. One of the other guests was drunk and also high, and proceeded to ask me if I wanted to go shoot n*ggers with him. I firmly told him no and that was that. Now I keep getting calls from him. I don't want to answer but I know it's him because I looked up the number on Facebook. Apparently my boss gave him my number because he needs help with some side job. I'm a shy and passive a aggressive person, how do I politely tell him that he disgusts me? Thanks P.S. as per your request, I'm a gay male."

Special Segment: Nothing! We wanted to spend extra time on questions and our first two voicemails these week.

Final Thoughts: Vegetables have feelings, too.