The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide answers the uncomfortable questions everyone encounters on an unfortunately regular basis and talks to people around the world who embrace the stranger side of life.

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**NSFW**

Hosted by Adam Dachis, Darren Herczeg, Erica Elson, and Richard Cardenas.



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230: Lickin' Lily

November 4, 2018 at 12:00PM • 1 hour 8 minutes • Wiki Entry

This awkward week we're talking about blowbots, licking Lily, and paying to party with special guest Sam DeSurra!





Show Notes & Links Presented by CacheFly

Awkward Story Time: The "Where Did I Come From?" Saga continues and Adam makes a new friend.

Special guests: Sam DeSurra 

Questions

James: "Since you were discussing the auto blow last week, have you seen this: https://motherboard.vice.com/en_us/article/pa9nvv/the-blowjob-paper-scientists-processed-109-hours-of-oral-sex-to-develop-an-ai-that-sucks-dick-autoblow "

Mathæyós: "You did say the spookier the better...

This happened circa 2008/2009. I could check my notebooks but I know it was after I was in The Rocky Horror Show, after I moved out of the dorms mid semester in college (way too noisy), and when my bones started spontaneously breaking.

For some context: the house I lived in when I was in high school and college was built in the early 1900s (I'd have to check with Grandfather for the exact date). The main portion of the house is the original part

The house has Two bedrooms and I master bedroom, four and a half baths, two kitchens and three ovens (the upstairs kitchen's ovens wereput in by a previous owner; they're kosher; he was Jewish and held wild sex parties (but that's a story for another time).

A dining room, library, parlor, living room and a fountain outside. Two fireplaces with two chimneys.

My room was across from the guest room in original part of the house.

So yeah, big ass house but my grandparents owned it.

Anyways. I'm taking my laundry down one of the flights of stairs to the basement. I get to the bottom of the stairs and set down the laundry basket and I hear a voice in my ear (I was alone in the house): "It's Meghan. My name is Meghan.". I look around. No one there.

Ok (I thought to myself) well shit has to get done so I'm going to pretend that didn't happen.

Later on when I'm in my room open the door at night and see an a wavy form in the doorway of the guest room. Think early 1900s, Shirley Temple type clothing. Short girl, maybe 9? Just there for a few seconds

I have a sketch of it somewhere in my notebooks.

Then when I was outside after that I felt someone looking at me. I'd look up at the guest room windows but I wouldn't see anything.

From then on every time I went in there I felt like I wasn't alone.

TL;DR lived across the hall from a young ghost girl from the 1900s when I was in high school/college.

The apartment I live in now has all kinds of weird noises, built in the 1950s and the molding around the door is the same as the kind in the Overlook Hotel in movie The Shining. My neighbors tell me they hear the table in the kitchen moving around at night (when I am asleep and no one else is in the house)... but that's a story for another time."

Ms. K: "I am a kindergarten teacher and I've seen my share of awkward events even though I've only been teaching since the last school year. I have a new student this year whom you can call Lily and she has the unmistakable air of white trash. She has taken to licking the faces of boys and girls alike. At first I told her to stop but the children all seem to like it and this makes it difficult to scold her. I've discussed it with my fellow teachers and we informed Lily's parents of the behavior but this has understandably changed nothing. Lily doesn't do it to bully the kids. I believe it's an expression of affection but it is unsanitary. We haven't informed the parents of the other children as of yet to avoid any unnecessary controversy. As a longtime listener of the podcast I thought it couldn't hurt to seek an outside opinion. How would you handle licking Lily?"

Emma: "I have a friend who charges all her friends (like me) for parties she has that suck most of the time. She's kind of a shit friend but she takes the best notes so we can't not be her friend. Is this the price of the notes? We don't know how much the party's gonna cost even. We turn up and she's got post-it notes like a table bill for us to pay at the end. She got a PayPal reader to make sure we all pay her and yeah she charges us the processing fee. I tried talking to her and some of my friends did too. She was a master debater in high school so she argues us into a corner every time. Do we expect her to pay for everything and have nobody chip in? She asks us questions like that so that it makes her right. Like no it's not like we expect her to pay for everything but we don't expect to get a bill at the end of a party. She does it to everybody and gives us grief if we have a problem. I seriously don't know what to do about her. If we don't go to the parties she won't be our friend and if she's not our friend we don't get her notes and if we don't get our notes our grades are gonna drop. She's just smarter than all of us and better but she drives me up the wall!!"