The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide answers the uncomfortable questions everyone encounters on an unfortunately regular basis and talks to people around the world who embrace the stranger side of life.

Got a question or comment? Visit awkwardhuman.com/ask for lots of options! Check out our Subreddit, too!

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Hosted by Adam Dachis, Darren Herczeg, Erica Elson, and Richard Cardenas.



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186: Pubic Afffairs

October 22, 2017 at 5:00PM • 53 minutes • Wiki Entry

This awkward week we're talking about fast food dates, pubic tension, and spousal flirtation. Questions/comments/stories/whatevers? Call/text 509-AWKWARD or visit awkward.email for more options!

Foxy's (duh)!




Show Notes & Links Presented by CacheFly

Awkward Situation of the Week: You are

This Week's Questions:

  • Kendra (34/~SF) asks, "Greetings coworkers, Four month listener, first time writer. You may address me as Kendra. As you like to know I'm 34, heterosexualish, and female. I was seeing this guy but kinda ghosted him after our last date. It's been 5 days so he's just catching on now and it's making me feel bad but I'm not sure what to say. Because he took me to Burger King on our last date. I teach art therapy so fast food isn't my jam. He wanted to go get a lil bite to eat and told me to meet him at Burger King. Well we live in a big city where you can walk (I don't know if you Los Angelians know what that's like, ALOHA) and sometimes we say things like meet me by the Rite Aid on 10th and Hoyt but it's not because we want to be at it for eating and/or socializing, right? I thought he wanted to go somewhere else and I didn't ask him where we were adventuring to eat after our fast food landmark rendezvous. The answer was going to be nowhere, coworkers. Nowhere. We ate at Burger King and he didn't think it was wrong at all. I'm not snobbing. This was our fourth date and we even did tapas before this before going to a racially-motivated sculpture exhibition he thought I'd like and I did. All our before dates were swanky and then he texted me about having some dinner early in the day. We go to Burger King and then he says he's 'gotta jet' to the wheelmen (bike marathoning) so I'm just sitting around liked a dope with cold fries and his half eaten pink slime nuggets her forgot to throw away. Like this just left a bad taste in my mouth not from only the food but from the experience. After all the fabulous thoughtful dates he's all of the sudden a cycle jock who eats garbage meat? I thought he might be a vegan when I met him. It's like Dr. Jekyl and Burger King you guys. What does this mean? Am I reading too much into it? Be honest."
  • Anonymous (19/GM) asks, "Aloha friends and coworkers! Gotta say I love the show and I hope you got some sassy help for me. I'm [CENSORED], standard-issue gay and 19. Make me anonymous plz! For my bday my boyfriend made me a web site and it is the worst. It's about how much he loves me and sounds nice when I talk about it but it is a horror show. Imagine if your gramma made you a web site about how great you are and was like happy bday share it on facebook plz so all your friends know. Yeah no thx! It is soooo embarrassing. I don't know what to say to him bc he is sooo proud of himself. I did not ask for this!!!!! Please help me!!!"
  • Travis (23/SM) asks, "Hey it's Travis and I was trimming my pubes at mach speed before a date with this girl I crushed on in high school. Now she's managing a Microsoft Store which is sexy to me for reasons I don't wanna get into right now (not embarrassing just long so you're welcome Richard). Snippity snip, I put the pubes on a napkin so it isn't pube city up in the bathroom, get a notification on my phone to play some game which I do because I think I'm like way ahead of schedule and then before I know it 30 minutes melted away. I my clothes on and rush out the door, realizing I left my pubes on the sink next to the toothpaste like it's meant to be there or some kinda thing. The date goes great. She's the shit just like in school but all professional and sexy now. We get on like champs and fuck in the back of her Prius. We won trivia night at Conrad's Crabs, my old go-to that *she* suggested (whoah) so I was so DTF after that I just went for it. Never do that but DAMN! We been going at it for weeks and it's sweet but I also need to tell you that I just moved back to my home (like where I grew up) because of this job and am staying with my mom until I get on to the new apartment. When I got home from date #1 the pubes are gone. No pubes no napkin. My mom definitely had gotten to them. I'm gone in like nine days when my lease kicks into gear so I don't have to live it down for all time but I gotta know what to say to my mom. She's been dropping PA comments like on every chance, like asking me if I forgot to put things away like mustard or bread or telling me to rake the lawn because it looks like a bad haircut. Last night she asked me if I wanted a new napkin because I made a mess of the one I had been using. Like this is not normal stuff she says anything about. I don't rake the fucking lawn, dude! She doesn't care about my napkins. I think she's pissed because I put my pubes on one of those blue cocktail napkins from her 40th bday. It was just in the room so it wasn't on purpose. Anyways like do I just ride this out or how do I tell mom to relax about the pube napkin (but not literally speaking because it's subconscious)?"
  • Sammy (24/SF) asks, "Hi I'd like some help please! I want to get a spark back in my relationship since after 2yrs + 4mo we are not doing a lot anymore. Like everything just slowed down so much and I want what we used to have sometimes. I keep inviting him to Minecraft dates (we met on Minecraft) but he doesn't want to play with me anymore. No prob with the sex or usual things but zero Minecraft. After we got a flat we never play anymore and I miss him. He says it's about his job being stressful but I don't think it is. He's just got this hangup all of the sudden. I could try another game. He just doesn't want to play for some reason and he won't say. Do you know why he would do this to me? This is Sammy btw (24)."
  • Jack (28/SM) asks, "I have a sexy wife. We are in a monogamous relationship. Other men like to hit on her. She likes it. I doubt she'll cheat. I'm hot too and we have a great relationship. It still bothers me. We talked. She told me to flirt with women. I did and I didn't like it. I think she likes the attention. I think it's different when it comes to you. I don't want to bother her with this. What's your advice on getting over it?"

Special Segment:

Final Thoughts: You have a beautiful left thumb knuckle. Don't hide it from the world.

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