The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide answers the uncomfortable questions everyone encounters on an unfortunately regular basis and talks to people around the world who embrace the stranger side of life.

Got a question or comment? Visit awkwardhuman.com/ask for lots of options! Check out our Subreddit, too!

**NSFW**

Hosted by Adam Dachis, Darren Herczeg, Erica Elson, and Richard Cardenas.



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180: Erica's Sexual Data Science: Munging Edition

September 6, 2017 at 4:00PM • 1 hour 25 minutes • Wiki Entry

This awkward week we're talking about the mysteries of sex-absent relationships, sexist internships, and cock hard cash. Questions/comments/stories/whatevers? Visit awkward.email or call/text 509-AWKWARD!

Special guest: Darren Herczeg!




Show Notes & Links Presented by CacheFly

Awkward Situation of the Week: Richard hates talking while peeing.

This Week's Questions:

  • Mattheous asks, "I was updating you on the NIH visit. You know, the one where I was worried about because I have crushing anxiety where I shit myself if I get too stressed out? Where I thought I was going to run into my ex? Where Richard was the only one who actually gave me any useful advice? (Thanks, by the way, Richard). That one. Adam has said in the past that he finds people with down syndrome lovely. To paraphrase Link: Well excuuuuuuuuuseeee me, Princess, for updating you. - Mattheous"
  • Innocent Gay (23/GM) asks, "I set them both up because they were both looking for a fuck buddy and I thought that they would be a good match. I knew she had some things happen with a guy she used to have a fwb kinda relationship previously who had schizophrenia and their relationship stopped because he became very violent later on and after that she seemed perfectly fine but maybe that had some kind of subconscious toll on her that she never realized. And no she never asked for me to watch out for her that night, she said she was a big girl and could handle herself but that she just wanted my company there so it was less awkward. And Erica was right about her hypothesis. Ginger was cool about her and Fuckboy fucking but when I told her about his threesome idea that's when she freaked out because she thought me and him were planning to rape her to do a threesome which I calmly explained multiple times that it was his idea and that I was uncomfortable with it and knew she would too. She didn't want to hear about called me a terrible person and a rapist. After that I have tried to talk to her about it multiple times over the past few years but just gave up because every time I would contact her she would ask what the fuck I was doing what I wanted and continue to call me every name in the book and threaten to get a restraining order. So I just gave up because it is just not worth it to deal with her drama to try and save a friendship that could not be saved."
  • Dev (23/GM) asks, "Hey! So obviously it didn't happen as silly as it sounds (my bf listens to the show sometimes with me and wanted me to be as gay as possible when asking about this lol). But we used to crate her but stopped because she would whine the entire time until we let her out so that is why we were trying to find alternatives. But we have fixed the issue which we should have tried a long time ago. We got her a hollow bone that you can buy at any pet store and when we are about to have sex we put peanut butter in the bone and coat it pretty thick and it distracts her for about 2 hours."
  • Vaughn (19/SQM) asks, "Yo awkward, I got a DTRT queery. :-O I'm a new 19 and 100% straight.......or......not? Need your homoexpertise on this. My whole life has been about pussy. I just got pussy on the brain. I get with all types of girls. Life ain't cheap, tho. My bro hooked me up dancing at a gay bar and first I was thinking that's gonna get my anxiety up but I dropped half a pin and it was like all good. Like more than good. Dudes brushed my package but I got more than a K of undie scratch plus 300 from the house. Tho it got screwy later. I got home after last call so no time to pick up a lady or nothing. So I start jerkin it to my thoughts (too spent for porn) and I'm thinking about all the gay bros coppin a feel. I cum to the touch of a hundred gay bros sneakin a feel up. I get to thinking like I do and ask the bar if it's rude to get a handie or whatevs. Turns out they got a room for 10%. This is dope cause now I get paid mad money to sex it up and let some dude get me off. What's got me confused is this shit where I'm like totally into it. I felt bad for this fat kid so I let him jerk it for free but I was not into that. It's like I only want dudes if they want to pay for it. I'm all into it if they're hot but is that for the hotness or cause then it's like they don't gotta pay for it but they wanna pay for this phat dick? I know how there's gay4pay but those bros don't like it gay. They just doing it for the money. I'm that but also I'm hard for it if the cash is on the table. So what am I? Peace! - V"
  • Cold Shouldered in London (40s/SM) asks, "Hi guys! I love your show, so random and open and honest! I've been listening for a few months now and finally took the opportunity to write in. I've been with my girlfriend for over a year and a half. We met whilst out at a friend's event and hit it off, kissed long passionate kisses till the end of the night. When we first dated, like most couples, the evening was filled with passionate kissing, much horniness and sex. We kisses so much and the chemistry was so good that we both desperately made comment on how good it was. After about 4 months the kissing went from being french kissing to just pecks on the lips and the sex died down massively. We moved into together after 6 months and we have a great relationship. It's really the best relationship I've ever been in. And the healthiest too. Finally a girl who's not a nutter (I've had my fair share of crazies). It all would be perfect but for the fact that the sex is practically nonexistent. It's extremely rare for us to french kiss and we hardly ever have sex anymore. I'm not unhappy in the relationship, but I don't want to look back on my life when I'm old and grey and think that I wasted all my younger days not having any sex. I'm nearly 40 and not getting any younger. I've confronted my girlfriend about this after 6 months and she gave the excuse for the kissing as being because it hurts her neck to kiss me, I'm about a foot and a half taller than her. I told her that I'm a sexual person and I have a high sex drive, I asked her how her sex life is normally in a relationship and she said it was normally more than in ours. For a little while after that she seemed to make an effort to initiate some intimacy with me. However I'm now back to basically no sex at all and feeling like something missing. I'm going to talk to my girlfriend about it again but I really wanted to get some advice from all of you all as you each seem to have a different take on the situation. Thanks!"
  • New Intern (21/F) asks, "I'm a college student, 21, in my last year of my undergrad. I just started my new internship for my city government, I work in a small office with a cubicle that sits next to the main hallway, so everyone walks by a lot. this place definitely reminds me of The Office, the main boss guy is super weird and makes really weird jokes, and everyone else has something really weird about them. in my first week I over heard my boss make a joke about having cocaine and how he was going to sell it to someone and everyone started laughing really obnoxiously and fake. But anyway, there's one old guy who's been here longer than everyone, he's probably in his early 60s? Every time he walks by my cubicle he makes a comment about being so old and how his brain doesn't work and his body doesn't work, and he breathes really hard. And so far he's made two or three comments about me being a "pretty young lady" and it makes me pretty uncomfortable. I think its super sexist, because he would never make a comment like that about a young male intern. I don't appreciate being told I'm pretty in a professional work setting... Am I over reacting??? And if he keeps making those comments, what should I do?? I don't want to attract negative attention, I'm new and at the bottom of the food chain here, please help."

Special Segment:

Final Thoughts: Our next episode is going to be an unusual, special, weird kind of thing, so...be prepared. :)