The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide answers the uncomfortable questions everyone encounters on an unfortunately regular basis and talks to people around the world who embrace the stranger side of life.

Got a question or comment? Visit awkwardhuman.com/ask for lots of options! Check out our Subreddit, too!

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Hosted by Adam Dachis, Darren Herczeg, Erica Elson, and Richard Cardenas.



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144: Welcome to the Fuchur

December 20, 2016 at 12:15PM • 1 hour 5 minutes • Wiki Entry

This awkward week we're talking about bedridden spouses, colon meat, crusties, and the 22nd century! Questions/comments/stories/whatevers? Call/text 509-AWKWARD or visit awkward.email for more options.




Show Notes & Links Presented by CacheFly

Awkward Situation of the Week: The OG Awkward Humans and Think Tank Gallery guys look back on the Fuchur and the prices of starting such an unusual art event.

This Week's Questions:

  • [FUCHUR] Kevin (34/SM) asks, "I have a question about animal sentience because I am hurting after my wife left me for our dog Coco. Coco is a female, and my wife never tested positive for homosexuality or animal inclinations. The science doesn't match with her decision. We purchased an implant for Coco and they began conversing and one day I came home to her crying on a chair, with a journal, and she said she was leaving me for our dog. I've been a dutiful husband and I love Coco as well, but even with animal sentience Coco isn't capable of conversing at the level of a human being. They've moved into an apartment and Coco and I talk in the Metaverse every week but my wife won't even speak to me anymore. I'm hurt and lost and don't know what to do. Is my wife a dog lesbian somehow? Do you know how I move past from this? I don't even know how to process it."
  • Khanh Dac Pham asks, "Vietcombank (Joint Stock Commercial Bank for Foreign Trade of Vietnam) and Ministry of Defense of Vietnam use remote/satellite electromagnetic brain/mind weapon to attempt to murder me, killed my 3-months-kid in my ex-wife’s belly and attempted to rape my ex-wife in my home (I had received many threats about raping my ex-wife). With this weapon, they controlled my ex-wife to argue with me and go out sometimes and they remotely control her behaviour for easily doing sexual rape that she could think she agreed to have sex with their people. They do the same remotely behaviour-control other girls for their people to commit sexual rapes. I know these because they commit sexual rape to the girls that I like and think about a love relationship. In addition, they remotely torture me every day and all unsuccessful Vietnamese people that most of them do not know about this weapon and some of them know about it. Here are the website facts (that could link to the super computer) of them: http://www.vietcombank.com.vn : Joint Stock Commercial Bank for Foreign Trade of Vietnam http://www.mod.gov.vn : Ministry of Defense of Vietnam You will be well-known worldwide and receive much donation if you could hack Vietnam's Artificial Brain in a super computer system (including above websites) that does remote human brain hacking (brain control, behaviour control) and torture Vietnamese. In recent days, the Artificial Brain does not connect to internet directly and communicate with USA system by satellite. It connects to internet through other person computers. Many thanks for your help. I look forward to your reply soon. Sincerely, Khanh Dac Pham"
  • Brian (GM) asks, "Dear Awkward Humans, I enjoyed your cheese story and would like more cheese please. It would be really good if you can describe what you are wearing during your late night cheese related epics. Anything with grilled cheese is preferred. Also please say Halloumi in a slow sexy voice as well, you know like "Haaaloooomiiii". Love the show Cheers Brian (Gay male from Australia)"
  • Jace asks, "I noticed the post about the incest story and the person who sort of raged at how replied to the persons story. I think that perhaps the incest/sexual relations isn't exactly the morally ambiguous part of incest; perhaps its not only the resultant impact on the family but also the children born from such a relationship; the relationship would obviously be straining for the family because well to be frank, its odd to have two members within immediate family members is kind of weird, though onto the children part; incestuous relationships have been known (I'm not expert, but I believe its because of the same genes going within the child) with these similar genes comes also the same genetic weaknesses amplified, meaning approximately (again, im no expert) a 25% increase in both illness and deformity in the children born in incestuous relationships. Perhaps incest is wrong and perhaps it is, but I think that a relationship between two loving individuals is justified, anyway sorry for rambling, that's just my two cents."
  • [FUCHUR] Idris (3.0/PGNB) asks, "I am not an analog like my boyfriend, so my food intake is only necessary on a monthly basis since my last operation. I am considering becoming a full synthetic, at least, in terms of my stomach. I've already had the HeLa operation so I am a candidate, but I enjoy eating on an occasional social basis. My boyfriend (we are in a homosexual relationship, for your details) has adopted a diet of synthetic meats and printed 400Ds because he does not trust organic material. Every night he prints cat pies from vGram and I am sickened by the smell of cat meat so much that I have started taking NARs like Nasaltine to augment my sense of smell. He's taken to Humeat omlettes in the morning and loves Kanye's Colons. He's always having a colon meat omelette. I don't want him to stop eating what he enjoys, and he is not a HeLa candidate so he can't yet have the operations I have. I just feel we are being separated by our dietary differences. I can't stand any more cat pies and colon meat. How can we reconnect despite the 400D divide?"
  • David (SM) asks, "I have loved my spouse for many years, however she has been disabled for most of our relationship (going on 32 years). She had been bedridden for 10 of those years and that has made it hard and not (you know) attractive to have intimate activities. She would not want me to seek intimacy outside of our relationship so I won’t ask her. I don’t want to burden her with all her concerns. But would it be wrong for me to do this anyway? I have sexual needs but I do not want to hurt her."
  • Miranda asks, "hey guys its me Miranda i just have a rlly quick quechin fur u. Last week my uncole was telleen me that i have too many crustys een my eyes when i wake up in the morneen. i was like Jim how many times do i needa tell u im saving up the crustys for my chia pate so itll grow better. even my mom dosent get eet. she theenks i am just a bad walsher but i tol her to get off my kates. now they theenk that i just love crustys even tho i said i stopped eateen them years ago. i tell them litter ally every seengol day " i dont eat crustys" ... "i dont eat crustys " and their NOT lissineen to me. how to i stop them bean mean ok thanks bye"

Special Segment: The Fuchur, Live!

Final Thoughts: "You get a butthole! You get a butthole! Everyone gets a butthole!!" - OprahBot

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