The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide answers the uncomfortable questions everyone encounters on an unfortunately regular basis and talks to people around the world who embrace the stranger side of life.

Got a question or comment? Visit awkwardhuman.com/ask for lots of options! Check out our Subreddit, too!

**NSFW**

Hosted by Adam Dachis, Darren Herczeg, Erica Elson, and Richard Cardenas.



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143: Klegmania and the Fuchur

December 9, 2016 at 2:45PM • 1 hour 5 minutes • Wiki Entry

This awkward week we're talking about our absence, Klegman sounds, sex space utilization, and central-European hairy-ness. Call/text 509-AWKWARD or visit awkward.email to send us questions/stories/whatever else you like!

Come to the Fuchur! December 9th-11th at Think Tank Gallery in DTLA. Starts at 7:00 PM on Friday the 9th! Details on the site. It's free, but you can buy stuff if you love us!




Show Notes & Links Presented by CacheFly

Awkward Situation of the Week: Anayat discovers he has a juicy ass.

This Week's Questions:

  • Klegman Calls asks, "Klegman sounds from two lovely listeners. :)"
  • B (27/SF) asks, "Hi there! 27 straight female here! This is my second attempt at writing this email. The first one was rambley, disjointed and long AF. So I’ll try to keep this brief. I’m writing about a long time friend who I don’t know how to help, or if I should even try to help. You see, this girl cannot stop talking. She’s a nice girl, but her seemingly unending need to yammer on has cost her friends and is starting to effect my friendships as well. I’m not saying she’s talkative, I’m saying she seems to have an actual problem with not talking. Let me give an example: She will begin to tell a story that I’ve heard before. Not caring to hear the whole story again, I’ll say (enthusiastically as to not hurt her feelings) “Oh yeah! And then you walked all the way home without shoes, I remember this story!”. In stead of moving on, she will continue on and finish the story… even if I’m the only one she’s talking to… BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE!! Often, she will proceed to laugh at the tale then TELL IT AGAIN! It’s very strange, like the worlds longest stutter. There have been times I have heard the same story told 3 times in a row. She usually restarts from somewhere in the middle but that doesn’t make this any less difficult to listen to. She has no problem talking to the back of your head if you try to excuse yourself from a conversation, and I’ve seen multiple people who have met her for the first time become overcome with fear when they realize this isn’t going to stop anytime soon. I’ve had friends leave my house to go to a bar when I said she was coming over, and I was once uninvited to a party because they didn’t want her coming with me. What do I do about this? Do I try to tell her that if she could just learn to stand quietly she’d make more friends? Do I just let her live her life like this and try to deal? Or do I “break up” with her? In all honestly, it’s not like she’s my best friend, or really enriches my life in anyway other than being a person to grab a beer with, but I can’t help feeling like I could help her. What do you think? Sincerely, B (Just spent 10 minutes trying to think of a clever name for myself, and clearly I failed…)"
  • Linoleum Larry asks, "Who do I have to blackmail or bribe to work for you!?"
  • Frida Kahlo asks, "Hi awkward humans! I am a straight female, early 20s, in a 5 year relationship. We talk about marriage and I feel confident that we are going to end up together. I am happy with the relationship apart from still feeling self-conscious about some aspects of myself. Since high school I have been shaving my upper lip, and as time went on I started to shave my face, stomach and lower back. I have a friend with polycystic ovaries who does the same, but for me my body hair is not the result of a medical condition, I just inherited my Dad's central-European hairy-ness. I don't think it would have been so bad if I hadn't started to shave, but I was very self-conscious in high school, and now this is the position I'm stuck in. My boyfriend asked me once if I shaved my face. He said he was wondering because he had noticed that most girls have some facial hair even if it's fine/blonde, but I didn't have any. I was so embarrassed and defensive. I just told him that it was a rude question and not to ask me again. I imagine he probably took that to mean that I do, but we have never spoken about it again. He's generally pretty great at understanding women are humans who have periods and pubic hair and fart. But he also really admires femininity and natural beauty, so I think he would be put-off to know that I shave. Even if he thinks I probably do, I doubt he knows the extent of it (e.g. that I shave other parts of my body too). At the moment we are in a long-distance relationship so it's really easy for me to be prepared for when he will see me naked. But I'm worried that when we live together it will be hard to keep up the pretence that I am naturally hairless. I'm also aware that I'm making the problem worse by shaving, but no other options have worked for me so far. I really want a life with this guy whatever happens but I would prefer not to have to tell him my embarrassing secret... Do you have any advice for me about this situation? Please can I remain anonymous? P.S. I found the podcast pretty late and I am about 100 episodes behind so please let me know if you answer this question so I know to listen to the latest episode ???? Thanks for any help you can give, I love the podcast (so far)!"
  • ThatBrownGurl69 asks, "Hey, guys! I have a sexy-sex-time question I wanted to ask you guys, so I decided to be incognito with my question ( except for my name, of course.) I started seeing this guys who I am attracted to but am not sure about yet. Within the first week, he was certain he wanted to take this into more of a serious level. I on the other hand, being a Scorpio, am very guarded and protective of myself . The connection we have is great, we have tons in common. The sex is goooddddd....but not great. And I think it's because so far, we've had sex about 6-8 times and we have only done missionary positions. 2 to be exact. And you know, I'm the kind of girl that needs variety. I need to/like to.... how do I put this.... utilize my space. I know I should bring this up to him but I'm kind of a private person when it comes to sex. So I don't know how to bring it up to him without it being super awkward. You know? Like, how do you tell someone,"hey, I like the motion in the ocean, but it's the routes you take that need improvement." And hopefully, when I do tell, him, I'll stray away from using any Christopher Columbus analogies. Any advice would be helpful. Thanks guys!"

Special Segment: Interview with Mattheyóus about caring for the terminally ill.

Final Thoughts: Don't forget to clip your toenails. They never forget to clip you.