The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide answers the uncomfortable questions everyone encounters on an unfortunately regular basis and talks to people around the world who embrace the stranger side of life.

Got a question or comment? Visit awkwardhuman.com/ask for lots of options! Check out our Subreddit, too!

**NSFW**

Hosted by Adam Dachis, Darren Herczeg, Erica Elson, and Richard Cardenas.



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127: She's All Thumb

August 14, 2016 at 12:45AM • 1 hour 4 minutes • Wiki Entry

This awkward week we're talking about life as a thumb, dating a Trump supporter, and a very long distance relationship. Special guest: Sarah Klegman, writer and co-founder of Challah Hub (a unique and sometimes exotic challah delivery service).

Questions/comments/stories? Call/text 509-AWKWARD or visit awkward.email!




Show Notes & Links Presented by CacheFly

Awkward Situation of the Week: Sarah lets out an unexpected fart at hot yoga.

This Week's Questions:

  • Malaria Mudslide asks, "Hi guys! It's Malaria again, I'll apologize in advance for the length of this, I have a few things to clarify for you, my boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year. During his Army training we texted constantly, now I'm lucky to get 1-2 texts a week, it often takes 3-4 calls for him to answer. He's a firefighter and does work for some older women town. His reason for not texting back is that he doesn't feel it when his phone vibrates (I guess this is valid while he's at work). He also says he would rather talk on the phone than send 2 hours of texts, but with my job as a hairstylist it's nearly impossible for me to talk on the phone. But I hate calling him during work, it seems to be the best way to get ahold of him. My other thing is that I will get bombarded with Instagram DMs from him but he can't respond if he's coming for dinner, (I've tried sending messages on Instagram and the reply will just be a very dank meme) then he gets a little salty that I'm not ready when he comes over. He also says that he loves to surprise me, sometimes it's cute when he shows up unexpectedly but other times it'll trigger an anxiety attack. I'm going to try again over dinner tonight to express the importance of this, I'll let y'all know the outcome of the conversation."
  • Moaning Myrtle (24/SF/USA) asks, "Hello Humans, I've never written to someone asking for advice. But I haven't really had any big life dilemmas yet (fortunately) that warrant something like this. I love your commentary and advice so I thought maybe you could help me out. So here it goes. You sometimes complain that people don't give enough detail, so hopefully this is enough... My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and four months, thereabouts. We've always been long distance, but he started a new job in January that put us long distance permanently. For the first seven months we dated, we saw each other every other weekend or more. Starting in January, we visit about once every month if we're lucky. Soon, that'll be about once every 2-3 months, and eventually it could be once a year. There are no plans on living in the same place. Now you're thinking, girl WHY would you agree to that. Hear me out. Both of us are very independent people. Neither of us wants to get married, we don't want kids, we don't really want anything to do with that "Americana" lifestyle. And I really believe that he is worth it, and this type of relationship can work for both of us. Though this is my first long-term relationship - maybe I'm being naive. So far LDR has been difficult (aren't all relationships hard though?), but there's also some benefits I really like. For example, I got to choose a graduate program based on what I want, while he cheered me on from afar! Everything has gone well up to this last month. He became very distant from me - didn't text unless prompted, said maybe three sentences on the phone, didn't tell me anything real about his day or his thoughts, etc. I started feeling insecure, but tried to convince myself it was all in my head. But I cried and stressed anyways. This last weekend we were able to see each other, and the tension couldn't be ignored any longer. In the morning after a sexless night I asked if we could have sex and he said "ok let me get in the mood." Two months of no sex and he needed more time!? I curled up in a ball and started crying, a clear sign we needed to talk. He said he's felt very distant from me for a while, and said he was being a dick for being distant from me. (At least I know I wasn't crazy now.) He doesn't really feel anything when I'm around. He says he feels this way because we spend so little time physically together. He also feels guilty that he cannot be there for me when I need him, and that he's holding me back from finding someone else who could be there. I asked why he didn't say anything sooner, as he's told me multiple times that we could talk if I ever needed to. And he said he didn't want to say that over the phone. Wtf dude, we're in a LDR, our relationship is literally over the phone. I asked if I should leave, and he said he didn't know. He still loves me but is confused about what to do. I still love him and I still feel strongly connected to him despite the distance. We will never be the same as a "regular" couple, but we also can avoid some of the problems they have, and there are things we can change in our relationship now to try to bring us closer together. (And even if this relationship is doomed, isn't it still worth it if there's a chance we can repair it and come out the other side stronger? Doesn't love conquer all?!) I said I want to fix this if we can, but YOU need to want to fix it too. So figure out if you're ready to work for us or not, and then we'll talk again. So, now, my questions for y'all. Am I crazy for thinking this relationship can be fixed? Is he too far gone, and I should move on? If you think we can work on our relationship, do you have any advice on or experience with LDRs and how to build intimacy? I have my own ideas but I would love your perspective. Thanks, Moaning Myrtle P.S: I also suggested (half-seriously) that we could downgrade to being fuck buddies, which made him laugh. Is that the worst idea ever or the WORST idea ever? "
  • Caitlyn (27/SF) asks, "My boyfriend is a Donald Trump supporter. I might even say he admires him. We got together shortly before Trump's initial registration as a candidate and it seemed more like a joke at first. Now not so much! He says he respects women and shit and 'that shit with Trump is overblown for 'effect'' because all politicians lie and make inflammatory statements to engage their base. What now? I kinda love the guy but kinda want to dump his ass."
  • Jared (25/SM) asks, "Hello podcast. After only one and one half years of love my girlfriend and I were married, but just afterwards I came to learn she hid her previous relationship of four love years with intercourse. I feel cheated on and betrayed because those things happened. Yet the love progresses somehow. I am hurt but still humbled by her. I want to be with her but she wants to have other love and intercourse relationships aside from ours while I am not told of them. She prefers the secrecy. I have no compromise to make that I know of. What should I do, do you suppose?"
  • Jimmy (20/BM) asks, "I am dating a lady who looks like a thumb's up. Her whole body is just an oval and she leans a little. She just looks like a human thumb with a face on it and hair and clothing too, so when I'm in pictures with her I'm like her hand and she's the thumb because she's tall and I'm not. I put pictures on the walls of us in my dorm and people come in and are like why do you have all the thumbs up pictures on your wall, and then they're like oh. Sometimes people think it's art. I try posing different but it just comes out that way. I threw out lots of tan clothes which I look great in but I thought colors would help. Nope. Just looks like painted thumbs ups. Instead of taking weird pose photos do you guys have some suggestions on how to not look like a hand when me and my girl take a picture?"

Special Segment: Interview with the creator of the Catcopter.

Final Thoughts: Your fingers are the instruments with which you play and compose the melodies of love. FINGERS.

Related Links:

  • Sarah Klegman: Writer, baker, storyteller, and our special guest this week. Check out what she's up to.
  • Challah Hub (Instagram): Check out Sarah's upcoming challah delivery service with lots of photos of their unique creations.
  • My Ayahuasca Trip at the Santo Daime Church: At a suburban business park next to a storage facility, I experienced the most spiritual ceremony of my life. What a strange setting for a communion with god.
  • Street Vendor Earns Food’s Highest Award: In July, Singapore’s Chan Hon Meng was awarded one Michelin star for his hawker stall. The star was the first such distinction given to street food, prompting the attention of foodies everywhere.
  • Reality TV Suicides & Schadenfreude: In the past decade, more than 21 reality television stars committed suicide. Rather than assuming any serious criticism or blame for the deaths, television networks are fueling their own ratings cycle. Current reality TV is pure schadenfreude—pleasure in the humiliation of others—even after death.
  • Dating Advice: Try Not to Hit Your Blind Date with Your Car: Is your favorite part of The Awkward Human Survival Guide the awkward situations of the week? Then, you have to watch the following animation.