The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide answers the uncomfortable questions everyone encounters on an unfortunately regular basis and talks to people around the world who embrace the stranger side of life.

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Hosted by Adam Dachis, Darren Herczeg, Erica Elson, and Richard Cardenas.

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119: The Girlfriend Experience

June 21, 2016 at 1:30AM • 1 hour 20 minutes • Wiki Entry

This awkward week we're talking about Jew stuff, overly social media, and impromptu lemon parties. Questions/comments/stories? Call/text 509-AWKWARD or visit

Show Notes & Links Presented by CacheFly

Awkward Situation of the Week: Richard avoids the Father's Day Cupcake Inquisition Squad. Darren's maid confronts him about his Donald Trump board game.

This Week's Questions:

  • Sydney (24/F) asks, "Hello! I don't have an awkward situation or a question, but I do have a thing I was wondering if you guys could address if you have time! I'm a 24-year-old female heading on my birthright trip in a few weeks and the friend I am supposed to be going with bailed, so I'm going by myself. Since I know Adam, Erica, and Darren are all Jewish, I was wondering if any of you had done birthright and how your experience was. I don't have a lot of Jewish friends, so I really have no idea what to expect. Have any awkward stories to share? "
  • Erica from Canada (22/SF) asks, "Okay awkward humans. Here we go. It's Erica from Canada again. I'm a 22 yr old straight woman. Here's my dilemma. So this guy that I've been seeing for about three months and I decided to go to a sex club for the first time. For the first little while I really enjoyed it. It was fun to be able to fool around in public and with people watching. I should mention that this place has a pool, and this is where we spent most our night. As the night went on, my guy wanted to go have sex in one of the public rooms with large couches. We went upstairs, and started performing oral on each other. When we was going down on me, three OLD men cam over and started masturbating three feet from my face. I got uncomfortable and told my guy - he said he was uncomfortable too. We went back down to the pool deck and proceeded to have sex there. Now I know this is a sex club, and the three guys masturbating was to be expected but I didn't realize how vulnerable and emotional it was going to make m e. I want to go again but am not sure how to go about it. Should we set some ground rules for one another? Escape plans for when we feel uncomfortable? We're both new to the sex club scene and am unsure how to manage the awkwardness that is destined to come with it. Thanks in advance. Xo"
  • Michelle (SF) asks, "Hi, my friend flirted with me and then asked to have a friends with benefits relationship with me while he has a girlfriend. The girlfriend, BTW, is my BEST FRIEND. So I don't know what to do! Should I tell the girl or should I let it be? It's like lose-lose for me either way I think."
  • Alvin (19/SM) asks, "Aloha! My girlfriend loves status updates on facebook and twitter so she posts them like always. Eatin cereal, crunchin numbers at mah desk, gettin my soul cycle on...shit like that but it's like all goddam day. She wants me to follow her and stuff so I get notifications all the time and I want to turn them off but then I don't know what she's doing so she'll get all crazy if I ask her bout her day but didn't read her statuses and stuff. Like that's too much right?? It gets worst tho. She has three twitters with one for like a puppet she made out of a pear so she posts it doin stuff. Also I think it's maybe an instagram actually that goes on twitter. She has another twitter about earrings. So if I'm like tell me about your day or whatever she's like did you not look at my statuses and I'm like I did but she's like I'm not repeating myself cuz you forgot. It's like a lot of info! I don't remember all that shit. I got stuff to do. She just like doesn't wanna talk about it. Like she's fine talking about TV or political stuff and whatnot but not about her. I gotta be like a stranger and read it online. So I was like, you gotta talk to me sometimes this is dumb. Like I'm your boyfriend so you should tell me shit but she's like I wanna be with you not talk about stupid things. I dunno...I dunno what to say cuz it's like fine if she doesn't want to talk about stuff but I can't say stuff about her day at all without her bitchin about how she did a status update. Like duh we gotta compromise but she doesn't think so so how do I get her wanting to do that?"

Special Segment: Interview with Dena, madam of Sheri's Ranch, about "the girlfriend experience."

Final Thoughts: Keep working that ass!