The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide answers the uncomfortable questions everyone encounters on an unfortunately regular basis and talks to people around the world who embrace the stranger side of life.

Got a question or comment? Visit awkwardhuman.com/ask for lots of options! Check out our Subreddit, too!

**NSFW**

Hosted by Adam Dachis, Darren Herczeg, Erica Elson, and Richard Cardenas.



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118: Fursonas

June 14, 2016 at 1:15AM • 1 hour 45 minutes • Wiki Entry

This awkward week we're talking about furries, surgical manipulation, and an unfortunate cum stain. Questions/comments/stories? Call or text 509-AWKWARD!




Show Notes & Links Presented by CacheFly

Awkward Situation of the Week: Jeffrey shits on gay pride for being all about dildos and Beau takes his girlfriend on a date to Planned Parenthood.

This Week's Questions:

  • I<3CanaDan asks, "When will CanaDan come back on the show? It has been a long time since I've heard his adorable voice!"
  • Leon (18/B-PM) asks, "Thanks for the insight (and for wishing me luck :-) ), listening to all you guys talk about this from an outside perspective is kinda surreal, it really just makes you take a step back and look at things a bit differently. So to cover a few of your questions (sorry if these are a bit long winded) : your definition of pansexual was pretty similar to how I would explain it, the only other thing that I might have included has to do with how you guys talked about the subjectivity of looks. This varies in importance for everyone, but for someone who is pan (at least in my case and the few other people's that I've talked to, I can't speak for everyone) it's a bit more important. So while some people are initially attracted to someone because of specific physical attributes (for example your trifecta). I am initially attracted to a person based on their personality traits (physical attributes kinda take a bit of a byline for me). Beyond that, you pretty much got it bang on :). I may have also accidentally underexaggerated the amount of time we've been going out. Now that I look at it, it has been pretty close to a month :/ (sorry about that); And finally, regarding my question, "what she wants from the relationship". While it was a little on whether or not she thought we were a thing, it was mainly like you guessed, what she felt the general angle of the relationship was. As for the rest of your commentary, hearing it from your perspectives really helped. Especially your guy's comment right in the beginning about me being conscientious. As soon as you said it, it made me aware of what now seems obvious, and framed everything a bit. I've realized that while she has seemed distant, I was being a bit too self-conscientious. That comment about the second guessing and taking a step back to let it happen was a really solid point, with school wrapping up, she will have less going on and less stress, so hopefully it will be easier for her to open up. So, I hope I answered your questions, and maybe cleared a few things up and thanks again for this. I think it's really cool what you guys are doing, I've only had the chance to listen to a few episodes but with 117 episodes it's pretty obvious you've helped a lot of people. Have a good night."
  • Erica asks, "Hello awkward humans! I've recently discovered your podcast on Spotify and I am loving it. I've always been sexually curious and have explored in the kink community but never found my place. I've recently starting seeing a guy and he and I have had so much fun exploring. Listening to your podcast however, I'm becoming way more confident and unapologetic about the kinds of things I like. This not only makes me better in my life, but it's been helping me and my partner communicate about our interests. Thank you for doing what you do and for helping girls like me find their space. Xo, Erica from Canada!"
  • Cynthia (44/SF) asks, "How do I welcome my husband after he's returning from a date? How do I force myself to be open to him? After a lot of discussion and a year of counseling, I reluctantly agreed to open our 22-year-old marriage for my husband. I am unapologetically monogamous, and feel like any time spent romantically with another person would betray or compromise my commitment to my husband. Obviously he doesn't feel the same and has vowed that exploring relationships with others won't take away from how he feels about me. Call me skeptical. Anyway, he's agreed to start slowly, chatting online with a woman in one of the cities he often travels to for business purposes, and he's very smitten and eager to meet her. I know this is what I agreed to, but the closer it gets the more scared I get about it. I'm not stupid. I know the minute they meet, nothing will ever be the same again. The more I think about it, the more withdrawn I get. He's so wrapped up in this new woman, he hasn't really noticed my distress, and I'm not going to tell him or beg for anything. How do I force myself to stay open? What if there's nothing left to be open to?"
  • Anonymous (26/GM) asks, "You know those moments in life where you hear the words like it's TV: 'it just got complicated.' So yah, that's where I'm at with my boyfriend. Great boy, great sex. Gotta love it. No problems. He's just yummy. So it was Sunday so Game of Thrones were on. We started making out. Making out turned to light petting and before you could say hold the door (too soon?) I was inside him. We’re fucking (paused the show obv) and he shoots like a geyser. I’m on my back when this happens and he’s on top of me and his cum flies over my head and he’s link unh oh mmm in his orgasm that the cum lands somewhere we don’t know. So I come in his ass and am like yeah bitch, that was hot but where’s the cum? He’s like I don’t knows. He goes to the bathroom and I get our dog for assistance. We look around. Can’t find the cum anywhere. He gets back from shitting the cum out of him and is like are you still looking for my cum? And I’m like yeah, where the fuck is it? We can’t find it. We checked ourselves in case it was a something about Mary thing but it wasn’t on us. A week later my mom’s over for dinner. She thinks my boyfriend is a roommate. We’re both straight acting and what not so it’s believable. She’s not religious she’s just kind of a mess and I gotta deal with her shit a lot so I don’t need the gay thing in the mix right now. He’s not out either. It’s all good. We just don’t wanna deal with that now in our lives but next year cuz we might get married. Anyway she is just sitting on another chair and she looks at this pillow that her sister made me when I was a baby (like I got it when I was born, it has a donkey on it and it’s knitted or whatever you do to put thread designs on pillows). Donkey’s got goo on him. Mom’s like, hun, what happened to the pillow? You spill on it? Duh, mom, it’s the cum, but can’t tell her that. So I was like I dunno but my boyfriend’s freaking out cuz he knows what’s up. Long story short she takes the pillow. She insists I won’t fix it and it’ll get ruined so she’s taking it to the dry cleaners which my uncle runs. Like a dude is probably gonna smell it and think yeah he jizzed on the pillow. So this is gonna get embarrassing I bet you but do I have to explain it? She’s gonna ask. Like do I have to worry she’s gonna find out about me and my boyfriend? I know it’s just cum but she’s a nosy bitch. She won’t snoop if she doesn’t need to but she’s gonna gonna think about this and she’s gonna pry for deets. What can I tell my mom that’s not gonna get her to think I’m fucking my boyfriend and cummin on pillows? I can’t tell her right now. Just let’s get a good story here. Can’t tell her I just jerked off on it. She caught me jerkin when I was 12 in the living room so she knows I am traumatized about that. She won’t buy it. So like how did the cum get there? Don’t wanna throw the boyriend under the bus either. Ideas????"
  • Janie (24/SF) asks, "Shalom, it's something new. I don't know where to begin even but I will start with the plastic surgery. I met a sweet man three years and some months ago. We got along like a real lot but the sex wasn't great. I was into him but he wasn't into me. I'm very thin and my breasts were small. After six months of greatness everywhere but the bedroom I started crying at dinner because he didn't want me. And he came clean and said he loves me but he's not very attracted to me and he didn't want me to hurt because of it. I asked him what was wrong and he is attracted to women with larger breasts and certain facial features I didn't have. My rear end was flat so he wanted more of that also. I had thought about breast implants before so I mentioned it. He said he didn't want me to alter myself, but it was okay with him if it's what I wanted. I guess I convinced myself it was because I got them and then sex was good for a little while. After a couple of years I have had multiple surgeries. He's attracted to me for awhile and then he's bored so we talk and he mentions another thing. I don't want to get the surgery but I worry about it and he calms me down and promises to pay for it so I feel okay. But then it happens and I look like a monster. He tells me I'm beautiful but I don't even recognize myself all the way anymore. I have a bigger butt, bigger breasts, lip collagen, and several structural changes to my face. I have eyelash implants now as well and he wants me to get a nose job. He never says he wants it but I feel he does. I love him and everything is good except for him wanting the surgeries. I need to stop doing them but I don't know how to get out of this situation without leaving him and I don't want to leave him. Do you know of another way? I don't feel like myself anymore and I don't know what to do."

Special Segment: Interview with Dominic Rodriguez, director of the wonderful documentary Fursonas.

Final Thoughts: You're too sexy for that shirt.