The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide answers the uncomfortable questions everyone encounters on an unfortunately regular basis and talks to people around the world who embrace the stranger side of life.

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Hosted by Adam Dachis, Darren Herczeg, Erica Elson, and Richard Cardenas.

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106: Striking Oil

March 22, 2016 at 12:15PM • 1 hour 30 minutes • Wiki Entry

This awkward week we're talking about the cross-race effect, fat girlfriends, and windchimes. Questions/comments/stories? Visit or call/text 509-AWKWARD!

Show Notes & Links Presented by CacheFly

Awkward Situation of the Week: The group shares their most awkward interactions with homeless people.

This Week's Questions:

  • Ellen (SF) asks, "I have a simple question for you, coworkers. Why aren't more women attracted to Mark Zuckerberg? He has money, intelligence, fame, and power. He is also young still and youth is attractive isn't it? I don't find him attractive at all. To me he looks funky and has no sex appeal. He isn't interested in the same things I am I think. I am very bothered because what if I can't get attracted to the right men? I want a good life with a good man. Mark Zuckerberg is a catch and a half! But I just can't! Help me!"
  • White Boy asks, "I am a white male. Other details are irrelevant. My situation is that I am a huge victim of the cross-race effect. You can read more about it on Wikipedia, but in a nutshell, it's a psychologically-rooted bias that makes it easier for us to distinguish between members of our own race than those of others. It explains why someone who isn't east Asian might think that Chinese, Japanese, and Koreans all look the same. It's not because they're being racist or ignorant. Studies have repeatedly supported that this is a natural tendency that we have that, along with other deeply-rooted psychological effects, is largely out of our control. With me in particular, I think I may be perhaps more subjected to it for whatever reason, because I generally have an even harder time distinguishing between people of other races than people in my social circle. I have tagged many a brown people incorrectly on Facebook – not to mention all the brown, east Asian, and black friends I have on Facebook that I may or may not have even met before because I keep discovering they're not who I actually think they are. Hell – it's even happened with two white people once. While I can apologize and try to explain the situation, I keep getting the idea that people think I am being racist. Don't get me wrong – I understand the privileges I have as a white male – but don't tell me I accidentally thought you were someone else because of "white privilege" when it's actually due to psychology, which we all share. What more can I possibly give you besides an apology? I'm already looking at their faces as hard as I can. I don't wear them all the time, but I do have prescription glasses and they're only required for seeing really far and people are always closer than that so up close I have 20/20 vision so it can't be that either. Of course if I get to know someone of a different race than me really well, I will learn their face over time and be able to distinguish them easily, but besides that I don't think I can change anything else and don't know how to approach these awkward situations in the future. toodles."
  • Bobby asks, "My girlfriend is fat. Is this an okay reason for me to dump her?"
  • Sean (22/GM) asks, "Hi Awkward Humans, I'm 22 years old, gay, and a dude, and I need to get rid of a guy. I met him online and found out we have similar interests and live in the same town, so we decided to see if we could be friends and that worked out, but it worked out a little too well. He's fallen in love with me and I don't feel the same way. He's asked me out a couple of times, and I said no, but he won't drop the idea of having a relationship, probably because we've also been meeting up to have sex every once in a while. Though I thought at least that aspect of things would work out, the sexual stuff is bad too. His dick is really small and I think he jerks off too much because no matter what I do to try to reciprocate things he does for me, he always says he can't feel anything, which makes me even more frustrated. I don't want to tell him I don't love him and the sex things we do don't really work for me, but I also don't think I'd be able to friend zone him and have him just drop the love shit. How can I politely get rid of him with minimal damage?"
  • Anonymous (SM/Teen) asks, "I have my very first date coming up and she's my high school crush and I just want to make sure there aren't too many awkward moments because I'm socially awkward and I want to make sure it goes well or better. Any advice?"
  • Xan (31/SM) asks, "Hey Humans, I have an etiquette question. I have this girlfriend who loves this Chinese restaurant called Windchimes that gives her crazy diarrhea. Doesn't matter cuz she's gonna eat it anyway. But I've got some PTSD about it now cuz I go get it or she does and we eat at one of our apartments. After I'm gonna stay at her place or she at my place and we're gonna fuck. But she eats and then I make a move and she doesn't wanna cuz she knows she's gotta shit. So we wait and she shits for like 25 minutes. I can hear all the sounds coming out of her. She comes back after exploding into a toilet and gives me a kiss and wants to get some. But I'm like totally turned off all the way by that time cuz of all the diarrhea. I tried blasting some tunes but I could hear it still or know it was happening and imagined the diarrhea. Also she has windchimes in her apartment and when I hear the chimes I get nervous cuz I think about the diarrhea. I have a soundtrack of windchimes and farts in my head always and I don't know how to get that song out of me. Maybe I need thought diarrhea? Hahaha. Please help me..."

Special Segment: Nope!

Final Thoughts: Hot Love performs Sweet Kisses.